Вирджиния Вулф. Орландо (engl)
        Virginia Woolf. Orlando
        A Biography
     To Vita Sakville-West
      The cover of the first edition of the book with a portrait of Vita
        PREFACE
     Many friends have helped me  in writing this book. Some are dead and so
illustrious that  I scarcely dare name  them, yet no one can read  or  write
without being perpetually  in the debt of  Defoe, Sir Thomas Browne, Sterne,
Sir Walter Scott, Lord Macaulay, Emily Bronte, De Quincey, and Walter Pater,
to name the first that come to mind. Others are alive, and though perhaps as
illustrious in their own way, are less formidable for that very reason. I am
specially indebted to Mr C.P. Sanger,  without whose knowledge of the law of
real  property this book  could never have been  written. Mr Sydney Turner's
wide and peculiar erudition has saved me,  I hope, some lamentable blunders.
I have  had  the advantage - how great I  alone can estimate -  of Mr Arthur
Waley's knowledge of Chinese. Madame Lopokova (Mrs J.M. Keynes) has been  at
hand to correct my Russian. To the unrivalled sympathy and imagination of Mr
Roger Fry I owe whatever understanding of the art of painting I may possess.
I  have,   I  hope,  profited   in  another  department  by  the  singularly
penetrating,  if severe, criticism of my nephew  Mr  Julian Bell.  Miss M.K.
Snowdon's  indefatigable  researches  in   the  archives  of  Harrogate  and
Cheltenham  were none  the less arduous  for being vain. Other friends  have
helped me  in ways too various to specify. I must content myself with naming
Mr Angus  Davidson;  Mrs Cartwright;  Miss Janet Case; Lord  Berners  (whose
knowledge  of Elizabethan  music has proved invaluable); Mr Francis Birrell;
my  brother, Dr Adrian Stephen; Mr F.L. Lucas; Mr and Mrs Desmond Maccarthy;
that most  inspiriting of critics, my brother-in-law, Mr Clive Bell; Mr G.H.
Rylands; Lady Colefax; Miss Nellie Boxall; Mr J.M. Keynes;  Mr Hugh Walpole;
Miss Violet Dickinson; the Hon.  Edward  Sackville-West; Mr and Mrs St. John
Hutchinson; Mr Duncan Grant; Mr and Mrs Stephen Tomlin; Mr and Lady Ottoline
Morrell;  my mother-in-law, Mrs  Sydney  Woolf;  Mr Osbert  Sitwell;  Madame
Jacques Raverat; Colonel Cory  Bell; Miss Valerie  Taylor; Mr J.T. Sheppard;
Mr and  Mrs T.S. Eliot;  Miss  Ethel Sands; Miss  Nan Hudson;  my nephew  Mr
Quentin  Bell  (an  old  and  valued  collaborator in fiction);  Mr  Raymond
Mortimer; Lady Gerald Wellesley; Mr Lytton Strachey; the Viscountess  Cecil;
Miss  Hope Mirrlees; Mr  E.M. Forster; the  Hon.  Harold  Nicolson;  and  my
sister, Vanessa  Bell -  but  the list  threatens to grow  too long  and  is
already  far too distinguished.  For  while it rouses in me memories  of the
pleasantest kind  it  will inevitably wake expectations in the reader  which
the  book itself can only disappoint. Therefore I will conclude by  thanking
the officials  of the British  Museum  and Record  Office for  their  wonted
courtesy;  my niece Miss  Angelica Bell, for  a service  which none  but she
could  have  rendered;  and my husband for  the patience  with which he  has
invariably helped my researches and for the profound historical knowledge to
which these pages  owe whatever degree of accuracy they may attain. Finally,
I would thank, had I not  lost his name and address, a gentleman in America,
who  has generously and gratuitously corrected the punctuation, the  botany,
the entomology, the geography, and the chronology  of previous works of mine
and will, I hope, not spare his services on the present occasion.
     The cover of the first edition of the book with a portrait of Vita
        PREFACE
     Many friends have helped me  in writing this book. Some are dead and so
illustrious that  I scarcely dare name  them, yet no one can read  or  write
without being perpetually  in the debt of  Defoe, Sir Thomas Browne, Sterne,
Sir Walter Scott, Lord Macaulay, Emily Bronte, De Quincey, and Walter Pater,
to name the first that come to mind. Others are alive, and though perhaps as
illustrious in their own way, are less formidable for that very reason. I am
specially indebted to Mr C.P. Sanger,  without whose knowledge of the law of
real  property this book  could never have been  written. Mr Sydney Turner's
wide and peculiar erudition has saved me,  I hope, some lamentable blunders.
I have  had  the advantage - how great I  alone can estimate -  of Mr Arthur
Waley's knowledge of Chinese. Madame Lopokova (Mrs J.M. Keynes) has been  at
hand to correct my Russian. To the unrivalled sympathy and imagination of Mr
Roger Fry I owe whatever understanding of the art of painting I may possess.
I  have,   I  hope,  profited   in  another  department  by  the  singularly
penetrating,  if severe, criticism of my nephew  Mr  Julian Bell.  Miss M.K.
Snowdon's  indefatigable  researches  in   the  archives  of  Harrogate  and
Cheltenham  were none  the less arduous  for being vain. Other friends  have
helped me  in ways too various to specify. I must content myself with naming
Mr Angus  Davidson;  Mrs Cartwright;  Miss Janet Case; Lord  Berners  (whose
knowledge  of Elizabethan  music has proved invaluable); Mr Francis Birrell;
my  brother, Dr Adrian Stephen; Mr F.L. Lucas; Mr and Mrs Desmond Maccarthy;
that most  inspiriting of critics, my brother-in-law, Mr Clive Bell; Mr G.H.
Rylands; Lady Colefax; Miss Nellie Boxall; Mr J.M. Keynes;  Mr Hugh Walpole;
Miss Violet Dickinson; the Hon.  Edward  Sackville-West; Mr and Mrs St. John
Hutchinson; Mr Duncan Grant; Mr and Mrs Stephen Tomlin; Mr and Lady Ottoline
Morrell;  my mother-in-law, Mrs  Sydney  Woolf;  Mr Osbert  Sitwell;  Madame
Jacques Raverat; Colonel Cory  Bell; Miss Valerie  Taylor; Mr J.T. Sheppard;
Mr and  Mrs T.S. Eliot;  Miss  Ethel Sands; Miss  Nan Hudson;  my nephew  Mr
Quentin  Bell  (an  old  and  valued  collaborator in fiction);  Mr  Raymond
Mortimer; Lady Gerald Wellesley; Mr Lytton Strachey; the Viscountess  Cecil;
Miss  Hope Mirrlees; Mr  E.M. Forster; the  Hon.  Harold  Nicolson;  and  my
sister, Vanessa  Bell -  but  the list  threatens to grow  too long  and  is
already  far too distinguished.  For  while it rouses in me memories  of the
pleasantest kind  it  will inevitably wake expectations in the reader  which
the  book itself can only disappoint. Therefore I will conclude by  thanking
the officials  of the British  Museum  and Record  Office for  their  wonted
courtesy;  my niece Miss  Angelica Bell, for  a service  which none  but she
could  have  rendered;  and my husband for  the patience  with which he  has
invariably helped my researches and for the profound historical knowledge to
which these pages  owe whatever degree of accuracy they may attain. Finally,
I would thank, had I not  lost his name and address, a gentleman in America,
who  has generously and gratuitously corrected the punctuation, the  botany,
the entomology, the geography, and the chronology  of previous works of mine
and will, I hope, not spare his services on the present occasion.
      CHAPTER 1.
     He - for there could be no doubt of  his sex, though the fashion of the
time did something to disguise it - was in the act of slicing at the head of
a Moor which swung from  the  rafters. It was the colour of an old football,
and  more or less the shape of one, save for the sunken  cheeks and a strand
or two of coarse, dry hair,  like the hair on a cocoanut.  Orlando's father,
or perhaps his grandfather, had struck it from the shoulders of a vast Pagan
who had started up under the moon in the barbarian fields of Africa; and now
it  swung,  gently, perpetually, in  the  breeze which never  ceased blowing
through the attic rooms of the gigantic house of the lord who had slain him.
     Orlando's fathers  had ridden in fields  of asphodel, and stony fields,
and fields watered by strange rivers, and they had struck many heads of many
colours off many shoulders, and brought them back to hang from  the rafters.
So too would Orlando, he vowed. But since he was sixteen only, and too young
to  ride with them in Africa or France, he  would steal away from his mother
and the peacocks in the garden and go to his attic room and there  lunge and
plunge and slice the air with his blade. Sometimes he cut the  cord  so that
the skull bumped on the floor and he had to string it up again, fastening it
with  some  chivalry almost  out of reach so that his  enemy  grinned at him
through shrunk, black lips triumphantly. The skull swung to and fro, for the
house, at the top of which  he lived,  was so vast that there seemed trapped
in  it  the wind  itself,  blowing  this way, blowing that  way,  winter and
summer.  The  green arras  with the hunters  on  it  moved perpetually.  His
fathers had  been  noble  since they had been at  all. They  came out of the
northern  mists  wearing coronets  on their heads.  Were  not  the  bars  of
darkness  in the room, and the yellow pools which  chequered the floor, made
by the sun falling through the stained  glass of a vast coat of arms  in the
window?  Orlando stood  now in the midst  of the yellow  body of an heraldic
leopard. When he put his hand on the window-sill to push the window open, it
was  instantly coloured red, blue, and yellow like a butterfly's wing. Thus,
those who like  symbols,  and have a turn for the deciphering of them, might
observe  that  though the shapely legs, the  handsome body, and the well-set
shoulders were all of them decorated with various tints of  heraldic  light,
Orlando's face, as  he threw  the window  open,  was lit solely  by the  sun
itself. A more candid, sullen face it would be impossible to find. Happy the
mother who bears, happier still the biographer who records the life of  such
a  one! Never need  she  vex herself, nor he invoke the help of novelist  or
poet.  From deed to deed, from glory to glory, from office to office he must
go, his scribe following after, till they reach whatever seat it may be that
is the height of their  desire. Orlando,  to look at, was  cut out precisely
for some such career. The red of the cheeks was covered with peach down; the
down on the lips was only  a little thicker than the down on the cheeks. The
lips  themselves  were  short  and slightly  drawn  back over  teeth  of  an
exquisite  and  almond whiteness. Nothing disturbed  the  arrowy nose in its
short, tense flight;  the hair was dark, the  ears small, and fitted closely
to the head. But, alas, that these catalogues of youthful  beauty cannot end
without  mentioning  forehead and eyes.  Alas,  that people  are seldom born
devoid  of  all  three; for directly we glance at  Orlando  standing by  the
window, we  must admit that he had eyes like drenched violets, so large that
the water seemed to have brimmed in them  and widened  them; and a brow like
the swelling of a marble dome pressed between the two blank medallions which
were  his  temples. Directly  we  glance at eyes  and forehead,  thus do  we
rhapsodize. Directly  we glance  at eyes and  forehead,  we have to  admit a
thousand  disagreeables which  it is  the aim  of  every good  biographer to
ignore. Sights disturbed him, like that of his mother, a very beautiful lady
in green walking  out to feed the peacocks  with Twitchett, her maid, behind
her; sights exalted him - the birds and the trees; and made him in love with
death - the evening sky,  the homing rooks; and so, mounting  up the  spiral
stairway  into his brain - which was a roomy one - all these sights, and the
garden sounds too, the hammer  beating, the wood chopping,  began that  riot
and  confusion of  the passions and emotions  which  every  good  biographer
detests. But to continue - Orlando slowly drew in his head, sat down  at the
table, and, with the half-conscious air of one doing what they do  every day
of their lives at this hour, took out a writing book labelled "Aethelbert: A
Tragedy in Five Acts", and dipped an old stained goose quill in the ink.
     Soon  he  had covered ten pages  and  more with poetry.  He was fluent,
evidently, but he was  abstract. Vice, Crime, Misery were the  personages of
his drama;  there  were Kings and Queens  of impossible territories;  horrid
plots  confounded them; noble sentiments suffused  them; there was  never  a
word said  as  he himself  would  have said  it, but  all was  turned with a
fluency and sweetness which, considering his age - he was  not yet seventeen
- and  that the sixteenth century had still some years of its course to run,
were  remarkable  enough. At  last, however,  he  came to  a  halt.  He  was
describing, as all young poets are for ever describing, nature, and in order
to match the  shade of green  precisely he looked (and here  he  showed more
audacity than most) at the thing itself, which happened to be  a laurel bush
growing beneath  the window. After that, of course,  he could write no more.
Green  in  nature is  one thing, green  in  literature another.  Nature  and
letters seem to have a natural  antipathy; bring them together and they tear
each other to  pieces. The shade  of green  Orlando now saw spoilt his rhyme
and  split his metre. Moreover, nature has tricks of  her own. Once look out
of a  window at bees among flowers, at  a yawning  dog, at the sun  setting,
once think "how many more suns shall I see set?", etc. etc. (the thought  is
too well known to be worth writing out) and  one drops the pen, takes  one's
cloak, strides out of the room, and catches one's foot on a painted chest as
one does so. For Orlando was a trifle clumsy.
     He was careful to avoid meeting anyone. There was Stubbs, the gardener,
coming  along the path. He  hid behind a  tree  till  he had  passed. He let
himself out at a little  gate in  the garden wall. He  skirted all  stables,
kennels, breweries, carpenters' shops,  washhouses, places  where they  make
tallow candles, kill oxen, forge horse-shoes, stitch jerkins - for the house
was a town ringing with men at work at their various crafts - and gained the
ferny path  leading  uphill through  the  park  unseen.  There is  perhaps a
kinship among qualities; one draws another along with it; and the biographer
should  here call attention to the fact that  this clumsiness is often mated
with  a  love  of solitude.  Having stumbled over a chest, Orlando naturally
loved solitary places, vast views, and to feel himself for ever and ever and
ever alone.
     So, after a  long  silence, "I  am alone," he breathed at last, opening
his  lips  for  the  first time  in this record. He had  walked very quickly
uphill through ferns and  hawthorn bushes, startling deer and wild birds, to
a place crowned by a single  oak tree. It was very high, so high indeed that
nineteen English counties could be seen beneath; and on clear days thirty or
perhaps  forty,  if  the weather was very fine. Sometimes one could  see the
English  Channel, wave reiterating  upon wave.  Rivers  could  be  seen  and
pleasure boats gliding on them; and galleons setting out to sea; and armadas
with  puffs  of smoke from which came  the dull thud  of cannon  firing; and
forts on  the coast;  and castles among the meadows; and here a watch tower;
and  there a  fortress; and again some vast mansion like that  of  Orlando's
father, massed like a town in the valley circled by walls. To the east there
were the spires of London and the smoke of the city; and perhaps on the very
sky  line,  when  the  wind was  in  the right quarter,  the craggy top  and
serrated edges of Snowdon herself showed mountainous among the clouds. For a
moment Orlando stood counting, gazing,  recognizing.  That was  his father's
house; that his uncle's.  His aunt owned those three great turrets among the
trees there. The heath was theirs and the forest; the pheasant and the deer,
the fox, the badger, and the butterfly.
     He  sighed profoundly, and  flung himself  - there was a passion in his
movements which  deserves  the word - on  the earth at the  foot of the  oak
tree.  He loved,  beneath all this  summer  transiency, to feel  the earth's
spine beneath him; for such he took the hard root of the oak tree to be; or,
for image  followed  image,  it was the  back of a great  horse that  he was
riding, or the deck of a tumbling ship - it  was anything indeed, so long as
it was  hard, for he felt  the need of  something which he  could attach his
floating heart to; the  heart that tugged at his side; the heart that seemed
filled  with  spiced and amorous gales every evening about this time when he
walked out. To the  oak tree he tied it and  as he lay there,  gradually the
flutter in and  about him  stilled itself; the little  leaves hung, the deer
stopped; the pale  summer clouds stayed; his limbs grew heavy on the ground;
and  he lay so  still that by degrees the deer  stepped nearer and the rooks
wheeled round  him and the  swallows dipped and circled and  the dragonflies
shot past,  as  if  all the fertility  and amorous  activity  of a  summer's
evening were woven web-like about his body.
     After an hour or so - the sun was rapidly sinking, the white clouds had
turned red, the hills  were violet, the woods purple, the valleys black -  a
trumpet sounded.  Orlando leapt to his feet.  The shrill sound came from the
valley. It came from a dark spot down there; a spot compact and mapped  out;
a maze; a town, yet girt about with walls; it came from the heart of his own
great  house in the  valley, which, dark before, even  as he looked  and the
single  trumpet  duplicated and  reduplicated  itself  with  other  shriller
sounds, lost its darkness  and became  pierced  with lights. Some were small
hurrying  lights, as if servants dashed along corridors to answer summonses;
others  were  high  and  lustrous   lights,  as  if   they  burnt  in  empty
banqueting-halls made ready to  receive  guests who had not come; and others
dipped  and  waved  and sank and rose, as  if held in the hands of troops of
serving  men, bending,  kneeling, rising, receiving, guarding, and escorting
with  all dignity  indoors  a great  Princess  alighting from  her  chariot.
Coaches turned and wheeled in the courtyard. Horses tossed their plumes. The
Queen had come.
     Orlando looked no more. He  dashed downhill. He  let  himself in  at  a
wicket gate. He  tore up  the  winding  staircase.  He  reached his room. He
tossed  his stockings to one side of the  room, his jerkin to the  other. He
dipped his head. He scoured  his hands.  He pared his finger  nails. With no
more than six inches of looking-glass and a pair of old candles to help him,
he had thrust  on  crimson breeches, lace collar, waistcoat  of taffeta, and
shoes with rosettes  on them as  big as  double  dahlias  in less  than  ten
minutes by the stable clock.  He was ready. He was flushed. He  was excited.
But he was terribly late.
     By  short  cuts known  to  him, he  made his way now through  the  vast
congeries of rooms and staircases to the banqueting-hall, five acres distant
on the  other side of  the house. But  half-way there, in the back  quarters
where  the  servants  lived,  he   stopped.  The   door  of  Mrs  Stewkley's
sitting-room stood open - she was gone, doubtless, with all her keys to wait
upon  her mistress.  But there, sitting at the servant's dinner table with a
tankard beside  him and paper in front of him, sat a rather fat, shabby man,
whose ruff was a thought dirty, and whose  clothes were of hodden  brown. He
held  a pen  in his  hand,  but he was not writing. He seemed in the  act of
rolling some thought  up and down, to and fro in his  mind  till it gathered
shape or  momentum  to his  liking. His eyes,  globed and  clouded like some
green stone of curious texture,  were fixed. He did not see Orlando. For all
his hurry, Orlando  stopped dead. Was  this a poet?  Was he  writing poetry?
"Tell me," he wanted to say, "everything  in  the whole world" - for he  had
the wildest, most absurd, extravagant ideas about poets and poetry - but how
speak to a man  who does  not see you? who sees ogres,  satyrs, perhaps  the
depths  of the sea instead? So Orlando stood gazing while the man turned his
pen in his fingers, this way and  that way;  and gazed and  mused; and then,
very quickly,  wrote half-a-dozen  lines and looked  up. Whereupon  Orlando,
overcome with shyness,  darted off and reached the banqueting-hall only just
in time to sink upon his knees and, hanging his  head in confusion, to offer
a bowl of rose water to the great Queen herself.
     Such was  his  shyness that he saw no more of her than her ringed hands
in water; but it was enough. It was  a memorable hand; a thin hand with long
fingers  always  curling  as if round orb  or sceptre;  a  nervous, crabbed,
sickly hand; a commanding hand too; a hand that had only to raise itself for
a head to fall; a hand, he guessed, attached to  an old body that smelt like
a cupboard in which furs are kept in camphor; which body was yet caparisoned
in all  sorts  of  brocades  and gems; and  held itself very upright  though
perhaps in pain from sciatica;  and never flinched though strung together by
a thousand  fears; and the Queen's eyes were light yellow.  All this he felt
as the great rings flashed  in the water and then something pressed his hair
- which, perhaps, accounts for his seeing  nothing  more likely to be of use
to a historian. And  in truth, his mind was such a welter  of opposites - of
the  night and the blazing candles, of the shabby  poet and the great Queen,
of silent fields and the clatter of serving men - that he could see nothing;
or only a hand.
     By the same  showing, the Queen herself can have seen only a head.  But
if  it  is  possible from a  hand  to deduce a body, informed with  all  the
attributes of a great Queen, her crabbedness, courage, frailty, and  terror,
surely a head can be as fertile, looked down upon from a chair of state by a
lady whose eyes were always, if the waxworks at the Abbey are to be trusted,
wide  open.  The  long,  curled  hair, the dark head bent so reverently,  so
innocently  before  her,  implied a  pair  of  the finest legs that a  young
nobleman has ever stood upright upon;  and violet eyes; and a heart of gold;
and  loyalty  and manly  charm - all qualities which the old woman loved the
more  the more they  failed  her. For  she was growing old and worn and bent
before her time. The sound of cannon was always  in her ears. She saw always
the glistening poison drop and the long stiletto. As  she sat  at table  she
listened; she heard the guns in the Channel; she dreaded - was that a curse,
was that a whisper? Innocence, simplicity, were all the more dear to her for
the dark background she  set  them against.  And it was that same night,  so
tradition  has  it,  when  Orlando  was  sound asleep, that  she  made  over
formally,  putting her hand  and  seal finally to the parchment, the gift of
the great monastic house that had  been the Archbishop's and then the King's
to Orlando's father.
     Orlando slept  all  night  in ignorance. He had been  kissed by a queen
without knowing  it. And perhaps,  for women's hearts  are intricate, it was
his ignorance and the start he gave when her lips touched him  that kept the
memory of her young cousin (for they had blood in common) green in her mind.
At any rate, two  years of  this quiet  country  life  had  not  passed, and
Orlando  had written  no  more perhaps than  twenty  tragedies  and a  dozen
histories and a score of sonnets when a  message came that  he was to attend
the Queen at Whitehall.
     "Here,"  she said, watching him advance  down the long  gallery towards
her, "comes my  innocent!" (There was a  serenity about him always which had
the look of innocence when, technically, the word was no longer applicable.)
     "Come!" she said. She was sitting bolt upright beside the fire. And she
held him a foot's pace from her and looked him up and down. Was she matching
her speculations  the other night with the truth  now visible?  Did she find
her guesses justified? Eyes, mouth, nose, breast, hips, hands - she ran them
over; her lips twitched visibly as she looked; but when she saw his legs she
laughed out loud. He was the very image of a noble gentleman. But  inwardly?
She flashed her yellow hawk's eyes upon him as if she would pierce his soul.
The young man withstood her  gaze blushing only a damask rose as became him.
Strength,  grace, romance, folly,  poetry, youth - she read him like a page.
Instantly she plucked a ring from her finger (the joint was swollen  rather)
and  as she fitted it to his, named him her Treasurer and Steward; next hung
about him  chains of office; and bidding him bend his knee, tied round it at
the slenderest part the jewelled order of the Garter. Nothing after that was
denied him.  When she drove in  state he rode at her carriage door. She sent
him to Scotland on a  sad embassy to the unhappy Queen. He was about to sail
for the Polish wars when she  recalled him.  For how could she bear to think
of that tender flesh torn and that curly head  rolled in the dust?  She kept
him with her. At the height of her triumph when the guns were booming at the
Tower and the air was thick enough with gunpowder to make one sneeze and the
huzzas of the people rang beneath the windows, she pulled him down among the
cushions where her women had laid her (she was so worn and old) and made him
bury  his face  in that astonishing  composition - she  had  not changed her
dress for a month - which smelt for all the world, he thought, recalling his
boyish  memory, like some old  cabinet at home where his mother's furs  were
stored. He rose, half suffocated from the embrace. "This," she breathed, "is
my victory!" - even as a rocket roared up and dyed her cheeks scarlet.
     For the old woman loved him. And the Queen, who knew a man when she saw
one,  though not,  it is said, in  the usual way, plotted for him a splendid
ambitious career. Lands  were given him, houses  assigned him. He  was to be
the son of her old age; the limb of her infirmity; the oak tree on which she
leant  her  degradation.  She   croaked   out  these  promises  and  strange
domineering tendernesses (they were at Richmond now) sitting bolt upright in
her stiff brocades by the fire which, however high they piled it, never kept
her warm.
     Meanwhile, the long  winter months drew on. Every tree in the Park  was
lined with frost. The river ran sluggishly. One day when the snow was on the
ground and the dark  panelled rooms were full  of shadows and the stags were
barking in the Park, she saw in the mirror, which she kept for fear of spies
always by her, through the door, which she kept for fear of murderers always
open, a boy - could it be  Orlando - kissing a girl? who in the Devil's name
was  the  brazen hussy?  Snatching at  her golden-hilted  sword  she  struck
violently at  the  mirror. The glass crashed;  people came running;  she was
lifted and  set in her  chair  again;  but  she was stricken  after that and
groaned much, as her days wore to an end, of man's treachery.
     It  was  Orlando's fault  perhaps;  yet,  after  all, are  we  to blame
Orlando? The age was the Elizabethan; their morals were not ours;  nor their
poets;  nor  their  climate;  nor  their  vegetables  even.  Everything  was
different. The weather itself, the heat and cold of summer and  winter, was,
we may believe, of another temper altogether. The brilliant amorous  day was
divided  as  sheerly from  the night as land from water. Sunsets were redder
and  more  intense; dawns  were whiter and more auroral.  Of our crepuscular
half-lights  and  lingering  twilights  they  knew  nothing. The  rain  fell
vehemently, or not at all. The sun blazed or there was darkness. Translating
this to the spiritual regions as their wont is,  the poets sang  beautifully
how roses fade and petals fall. The moment is brief they sang; the moment is
over; one long night is then to be slept by all.  As for using the artifices
of the  greenhouse  or conservatory to prolong or preserve these fresh pinks
and roses, that was not their way. The withered  intricacies and ambiguities
of our more gradual and doubtful age were unknown to them. Violence was all.
The flower bloomed and  faded.  The sun rose and  sank. The  lover loved and
went. And what the poets said in rhyme, the young  translated into practice.
Girls were roses, and their seasons were short as the flowers'. Plucked they
must be  before nightfall; for the day was brief  and the day was all. Thus,
if Orlando followed the leading  of the climate, of  the  poets, of  the age
itself, and plucked his flower in the  window-seat even with the snow on the
ground  and  the  Queen  vigilant  in  the corridor  we  can  scarcely bring
ourselves  to blame  him. He  was young; he was boyish; he did but as nature
bade him do. As for the girl, we  know no more than Queen Elizabeth  herself
did what her name was. It may have been Doris, Chloris, Delia, or Diana, for
he made rhymes to them all in turn; equally, she may have been a court lady,
or  some  serving maid. For  Orlando's taste  was broad; he was no  lover of
garden flowers only;  the wild  and the weeds even had always  a fascination
for him.
     Here, indeed, we lay bare  rudely, as a biographer may, a curious trait
in him, to be accounted for, perhaps, by the fact that a certain grandmother
of his had worn  a smock and carried  milk-pails. Some grains of the Kentish
or Sussex  earth were mixed with the thin, fine fluid which came to him from
Normandy. He held  that the mixture of brown earth and blue blood was a good
one. Certain it is  that he had always a liking for low company,  especially
for that of lettered people whose wits so often keep them under, as if there
were the  sympathy of blood  between  them. At this season of his life, when
his head brimmed  with rhymes and he never went to bed without striking  off
some conceit, the  cheek  of an innkeeper's daughter seemed fresher  and the
wit  of  a  gamekeeper's  niece  seemed  quicker than those of the ladies at
Court.  Hence, he began going frequently to  Wapping Old Stairs and the beer
gardens at night,  wrapped in a grey cloak to hide the star at  his neck and
the  garter at his  knee.  There,  with a  mug before him, among the  sanded
alleys and bowling greens and all the simple architecture of such places, he
listened  to  sailors'  stories  of hardship and horror  and cruelty  on the
Spanish main;  how some  had lost their toes,  others their noses  - for the
spoken  story was never so  rounded or  so finely  coloured  as the written.
Especially he loved  to hear  them  volley forth their songs of  the Azores,
while the parakeets, which they had  brought from those parts, pecked at the
rings in their ears, tapped with their hard  acquisitive beaks at the rubies
on their  fingers,  and swore  as vilely  as  their  masters. The women were
scarcely less  bold in their speech and less  free in their manner  than the
birds. They  perched on his knee,  flung  their  arms  round his  neck  and,
guessing that something  out of the common lay hid beneath his duffle cloak,
were quite as eager to come at the truth of the matter as Orlando himself.
     Nor was opportunity lacking. The  river was  astir early  and late with
barges, wherries, and craft of all description. Every day sailed to sea some
fine ship bound for the Indies; now  and again another blackened  and ragged
with hairy  men on  board crept painfully to anchor. No  one missed a boy or
girl  if  they  dallied a  little  on the water  after sunset;  or raised an
eyebrow if gossip  had seen them sleeping soundly  among the  treasure sacks
safe in  each  other's  arms.  Such  indeed  was the  adventure  that befell
Orlando, Sukey, and the Earl of Cumberland. The day was hot; their loves had
been  active; they had fallen asleep among the  rubies. Late  that night the
Earl, whose  fortunes were much bound up  in  the Spanish  ventures, came to
check the booty alone with  a lantern. He flashed the  light on a barrel. He
started  back with an oath. Twined about the cask two spirits lay  sleeping.
Superstitious  by  nature, and his conscience laden  with many a crime,  the
Earl took the  couple - they were wrapped in a red  cloak, and Sukey's bosom
was almost as white as the eternal snows of Orlando's poetry - for a phantom
sprung  from  the  graves  of  drowned  sailors  to upbraid  him. He crossed
himself. He vowed repentance. The  row of alms houses  still standing in the
Sheen  Road  is the visible fruit of that  moment's panic.  Twelve poor  old
women of the  parish  today drink tea  and tonight bless  his Lordship for a
roof above their heads; so that  illicit love  in a  treasure ship - but  we
omit the moral.
     Soon, however, Orlando grew tired, not only of  the  discomfort of this
way  of  life, and of the crabbed  streets of  the neighbourhood, but of the
primitive manner  of the people. For it has to be remembered that crime  and
poverty had  none of the attraction for the Elizabethans that they have  for
us. They had none  of our modern shame of  book learning; none of our belief
that to be born the son  of a butcher is a blessing and to be unable to read
a  virtue; no  fancy  that what we  call "life"  and  "reality"  are somehow
connected  with ignorance and  brutality;  nor, indeed,  any  equivalent for
these two words at all. It  was  not to seek  "life" that Orlando went among
them; not in quest of "reality" that he  left them.  But when he had heard a
score of times how Jakes had lost his nose and Sukey  her honour - and  they
told the  stories admirably,  it must be admitted - he began  to be a little
weary  of  the repetition, for  a nose can only be  cut off  in one  way and
maidenhood lost in another -  or so it seemed to him - whereas  the arts and
the  sciences  had  a  diversity about  them  which  stirred  his  curiosity
profoundly. So, always keeping them in happy memory, he left off frequenting
the  beer  gardens  and  the  skittle  alleys, hung his  grey cloak  in  his
wardrobe, let his star shine at his neck and his garter twinkle at his knee,
and appeared  once  more at the Court of  King  James. He was young, he  was
rich,  he  was  handsome.  No  one  could have been  received  with  greater
acclamation than he was.
     It  is  certain indeed  that  many ladies were ready  to show him their
favours.  The names  of three at  least  were freely  coupled  with  his  in
marriage - Clorinda, Favilla, Euphrosyne - so he called them in his sonnets.
     To  take  them  in order;  Clorinda  was a sweet-mannered  gentle  lady
enough; indeed Orlando was greatly taken with her for six months and a half;
but she had white eyelashes and could  not  bear the sight of  blood. A hare
brought up  roasted  at her father's  table turned her  faint. She  was much
under the influence of the  Priests too, and stinted her underlinen in order
to give to the poor. She took it on her to reform Orlando of his sins, which
sickened him, so that  he  drew  back from the  marriage, and  did  not much
regret it when she died soon after of the small-pox.
     Favilla,  who comes  next, was of a  different sort altogether. She was
the daughter of a poor Somersetshire  gentleman; who, by sheer assiduity and
the  use of her eyes had worked  her way up at court,  where  her address in
horsemanship,  her fine instep, and her grace in dancing  won the admiration
of all. Once, however, she was so ill-advised  as to whip a spaniel that had
torn one of her silk stockings (and it  must be said in justice that Favilla
had few stockings and those  for the most part of drugget) within an inch of
its  life beneath Orlando's window. Orlando, who  was a  passionate lover of
animals, now noticed  that her teeth were crooked, and the two  front turned
inward, which, he said, is a sure sign of  a perverse  and cruel disposition
in women, and so broke the engagement that very night for ever.
     The third, Euphrosyne, was by far the  most serious of his  flames. She
was  by  birth one of the Irish  Desmonds and had therefore a family tree of
her own as old and  deeply rooted as Orlando's itself. She was fair, florid,
and a trifle phlegmatic. She spoke Italian well, had  a perfect set of teeth
in  the upper jaw, though those  on the lower were slightly discoloured. She
was never  without  a whippet or  spaniel at her  knee; fed them  with white
bread  from  her own  plate;  sang sweetly to  the virginals; and was  never
dressed  before mid-day owing to the extreme care she took of her person. In
short,  she  would have made a perfect wife for such a nobleman as  Orlando,
and matters had gone so far  that  the lawyers on both  sides were busy with
covenants, jointures,  settlements,  messuages,  tenements, and whatever  is
needed  before  one  great  fortune can  mate  with another  when,  with the
suddenness and severity that then marked the English climate, came the Great
Frost.
     The Great Frost was, historians tell us, the most severe that  has ever
visited these islands. Birds  froze in mid-air  and fell like stones to  the
ground.  At Norwich a  young countrywoman  started to  cross the road in her
usual robust health and was seen by the onlookers to turn  visibly to powder
and be blown in a puff of dust over the roofs as the icy blast struck her at
the  street  corner. The mortality  among  sheep and  cattle  was  enormous.
Corpses froze  and could not be drawn  from  the sheets. It was no  uncommon
sight to come upon a whole herd of swine frozen immovable upon the road. The
fields were full  of  shepherds, ploughmen,  teams  of  horses,  and  little
bird-scaring boys all struck stark in the act of the moment,  one  with  his
hand to his nose, another with the bottle to his lips, a third with a  stone
raised to throw at the ravens who sat, as if stuffed, upon the hedge  within
a yard of him. The severity of the frost was so extraordinary that a kind of
petrifaction  sometimes ensued;  and it was commonly supposed that the great
increase of rocks  in  some parts of Derbyshire was due to no  eruption, for
there was  none, but to the solidification of unfortunate  wayfarers who had
been turned  literally  to  stone where  they  stood. The Church could  give
little  help  in  the  matter,  and though some  landowners had these relics
blessed,   the  most  part  preferred  to  use  them  either  as  landmarks,
scratching-posts for sheep, or, when the form of the stone allowed, drinking
troughs  for cattle, which purposes they serve, admirably for the most part,
to this day.
     But while  the country people suffered the  extremity of  want, and the
trade  of the country was at a standstill, London enjoyed a carnival  of the
utmost brilliancy. The Court  was at Greenwich, and the new  King seized the
opportunity that his  coronation gave him to curry favour with the citizens.
He directed that the river, which was frozen to a  depth of twenty feet  and
more for  six or seven miles on either  side, should be swept, decorated and
given all the semblance of a park or pleasure ground,  with  arbours, mazes,
alleys, drinking booths, etc. at his expense. For himself and the courtiers,
he reserved a certain space  immediately opposite the  Palace  gates; which,
railed off from the public only by a silken rope, became  at once the centre
of  the most brilliant society  in England. Great statesmen, in their beards
and ruffs, despatched affairs of state under the crimson awning of the Royal
Pagoda.  Soldiers planned the  conquest of the Moor and the downfall of  the
Turk in striped arbours surmounted  by  plumes of ostrich feathers. Admirals
strode up and down the narrow pathways, glass in hand, sweeping  the horizon
and telling stories of the north-west passage and the Spanish Armada. Lovers
dallied upon divans spread  with  sables. Frozen roses  fell in showers when
the Queen and her ladies walked abroad. Coloured balloons hovered motionless
in the air. Here  and  there  burnt  vast  bonfires  of cedar and oak  wood,
lavishly  salted, so that the flames were of green, orange, and purple fire.
But however  fiercely they burnt, the  heat  was not enough to melt  the ice
which, though of singular transparency, was yet of the hardness of steel. So
clear indeed was  it that there could  be seen,  congealed  at  a  depth  of
several  feet,  here a porpoise,  there  a  flounder.  Shoals  of  eels  lay
motionless in  a trance, but whether their state was  one of death or merely
of   suspended   animation   which  the  warmth  would  revive  puzzled  the
philosophers. Near  London Bridge, where the river had frozen to a  depth of
some twenty fathoms, a wrecked wherry boat was plainly visible, lying on the
bed of the river where  it had sunk last autumn, overladen with apples.  The
old  bumboat woman, who was carrying her fruit to market on the Surrey side,
sat there in her  plaids and farthingales with  her lap full of  apples, for
all the  world as if she were about to serve  a  customer, though a  certain
blueness about the lips hinted the truth. 'Twas a sight King James specially
liked  to look upon, and he would bring a  troupe  of courtiers to gaze with
him. In short, nothing could exceed the brilliancy and  gaiety of  the scene
by day. But it was  at night that the carnival was at its merriest. For  the
frost continued unbroken; the nights were of perfect stillness; the moon and
stars  blazed with the hard  fixity of diamonds,  and to the  fine  music of
flute and trumpet the courtiers danced.
     Orlando, it is true, was none of  those who tread  lightly the corantoe
and lavolta;  he was clumsy and a little absentminded. He much preferred the
plain  dances  of  his  own country,  which  he danced  as a child to  these
fantastic foreign  measures.  He had  indeed just brought his  feet together
about six in  the evening  of the seventh of January  at  the finish of some
such  quadrille or minuet when he beheld, coming  from  the pavilion of  the
Muscovite Embassy, a figure, which, whether boy's or  woman's, for the loose
tunic and trousers of the Russian fashion served to disguise the sex, filled
him with the highest curiosity. The person,  whatever  the name or  sex, was
about  middle  height,  very  slenderly fashioned, and  dressed entirely  in
oyster-coloured velvet, trimmed with some unfamiliar  greenish-coloured fur.
But  these details  were obscured  by the  extraordinary seductiveness which
issued  from  the  whole person.  Images, metaphors of the most extreme  and
extravagant  twined and twisted  in  his  mind.  He called  her  a  melon, a
pineapple, an olive tree, an emerald, and a fox in the snow all in the space
of three seconds; he did not know whether he had heard her, tasted her, seen
her,  or all three together. (For though we must  pause not  a moment in the
narrative we may  here  hastily note that all his images  at  this time were
simple in the extreme to match his senses and were mostly taken from  things
he had liked the taste  of as a boy. But if his senses were simple they were
at  the same time extremely strong.  To pause therefore and seek the reasons
of things is out of the question.)...A  melon, an emerald, a fox in the snow
- so he raved, so he stared. When the boy, for  alas, a boy it must  be - no
woman could skate with such  speed and vigour  - swept almost on tiptoe past
him, Orlando was ready to tear his hair with vexation that the person was of
his own sex, and thus all embraces were out of the question. But  the skater
came  closer. Legs, hands, carriage, were  a boy's, but  no boy ever  had  a
mouth like that; no  boy had  those breasts; no boy had eyes which looked as
if  they  had been fished from the bottom  of the sea. Finally, coming  to a
stop and  sweeping  a  curtsey with the  utmost grace  to the  King, who was
shuffling past  on the  arm of some Lord-in-waiting, the unknown skater came
to  a  standstill. She was not a handsbreadth off. She was a woman.  Orlando
stared; trembled; turned  hot; turned  cold; longed to hurl  himself through
the  summer air; to crush acorns beneath his feet; to  toss his
        CHAPTER 1.
     He - for there could be no doubt of  his sex, though the fashion of the
time did something to disguise it - was in the act of slicing at the head of
a Moor which swung from  the  rafters. It was the colour of an old football,
and  more or less the shape of one, save for the sunken  cheeks and a strand
or two of coarse, dry hair,  like the hair on a cocoanut.  Orlando's father,
or perhaps his grandfather, had struck it from the shoulders of a vast Pagan
who had started up under the moon in the barbarian fields of Africa; and now
it  swung,  gently, perpetually, in  the  breeze which never  ceased blowing
through the attic rooms of the gigantic house of the lord who had slain him.
     Orlando's fathers  had ridden in fields  of asphodel, and stony fields,
and fields watered by strange rivers, and they had struck many heads of many
colours off many shoulders, and brought them back to hang from  the rafters.
So too would Orlando, he vowed. But since he was sixteen only, and too young
to  ride with them in Africa or France, he  would steal away from his mother
and the peacocks in the garden and go to his attic room and there  lunge and
plunge and slice the air with his blade. Sometimes he cut the  cord  so that
the skull bumped on the floor and he had to string it up again, fastening it
with  some  chivalry almost  out of reach so that his  enemy  grinned at him
through shrunk, black lips triumphantly. The skull swung to and fro, for the
house, at the top of which  he lived,  was so vast that there seemed trapped
in  it  the wind  itself,  blowing  this way, blowing that  way,  winter and
summer.  The  green arras  with the hunters  on  it  moved perpetually.  His
fathers had  been  noble  since they had been at  all. They  came out of the
northern  mists  wearing coronets  on their heads.  Were  not  the  bars  of
darkness  in the room, and the yellow pools which  chequered the floor, made
by the sun falling through the stained  glass of a vast coat of arms  in the
window?  Orlando stood  now in the midst  of the yellow  body of an heraldic
leopard. When he put his hand on the window-sill to push the window open, it
was  instantly coloured red, blue, and yellow like a butterfly's wing. Thus,
those who like  symbols,  and have a turn for the deciphering of them, might
observe  that  though the shapely legs, the  handsome body, and the well-set
shoulders were all of them decorated with various tints of  heraldic  light,
Orlando's face, as  he threw  the window  open,  was lit solely  by the  sun
itself. A more candid, sullen face it would be impossible to find. Happy the
mother who bears, happier still the biographer who records the life of  such
a  one! Never need  she  vex herself, nor he invoke the help of novelist  or
poet.  From deed to deed, from glory to glory, from office to office he must
go, his scribe following after, till they reach whatever seat it may be that
is the height of their  desire. Orlando,  to look at, was  cut out precisely
for some such career. The red of the cheeks was covered with peach down; the
down on the lips was only  a little thicker than the down on the cheeks. The
lips  themselves  were  short  and slightly  drawn  back over  teeth  of  an
exquisite  and  almond whiteness. Nothing disturbed  the  arrowy nose in its
short, tense flight;  the hair was dark, the  ears small, and fitted closely
to the head. But, alas, that these catalogues of youthful  beauty cannot end
without  mentioning  forehead and eyes.  Alas,  that people  are seldom born
devoid  of  all  three; for directly we glance at  Orlando  standing by  the
window, we  must admit that he had eyes like drenched violets, so large that
the water seemed to have brimmed in them  and widened  them; and a brow like
the swelling of a marble dome pressed between the two blank medallions which
were  his  temples. Directly  we  glance at eyes  and forehead,  thus do  we
rhapsodize. Directly  we glance  at eyes and  forehead,  we have to  admit a
thousand  disagreeables which  it is  the aim  of  every good  biographer to
ignore. Sights disturbed him, like that of his mother, a very beautiful lady
in green walking  out to feed the peacocks  with Twitchett, her maid, behind
her; sights exalted him - the birds and the trees; and made him in love with
death - the evening sky,  the homing rooks; and so, mounting  up the  spiral
stairway  into his brain - which was a roomy one - all these sights, and the
garden sounds too, the hammer  beating, the wood chopping,  began that  riot
and  confusion of  the passions and emotions  which  every  good  biographer
detests. But to continue - Orlando slowly drew in his head, sat down  at the
table, and, with the half-conscious air of one doing what they do  every day
of their lives at this hour, took out a writing book labelled "Aethelbert: A
Tragedy in Five Acts", and dipped an old stained goose quill in the ink.
     Soon  he  had covered ten pages  and  more with poetry.  He was fluent,
evidently, but he was  abstract. Vice, Crime, Misery were the  personages of
his drama;  there  were Kings and Queens  of impossible territories;  horrid
plots  confounded them; noble sentiments suffused  them; there was  never  a
word said  as  he himself  would  have said  it, but  all was  turned with a
fluency and sweetness which, considering his age - he was  not yet seventeen
- and  that the sixteenth century had still some years of its course to run,
were  remarkable  enough. At  last, however,  he  came to  a  halt.  He  was
describing, as all young poets are for ever describing, nature, and in order
to match the  shade of green  precisely he looked (and here  he  showed more
audacity than most) at the thing itself, which happened to be  a laurel bush
growing beneath  the window. After that, of course,  he could write no more.
Green  in  nature is  one thing, green  in  literature another.  Nature  and
letters seem to have a natural  antipathy; bring them together and they tear
each other to  pieces. The shade  of green  Orlando now saw spoilt his rhyme
and  split his metre. Moreover, nature has tricks of  her own. Once look out
of a  window at bees among flowers, at  a yawning  dog, at the sun  setting,
once think "how many more suns shall I see set?", etc. etc. (the thought  is
too well known to be worth writing out) and  one drops the pen, takes  one's
cloak, strides out of the room, and catches one's foot on a painted chest as
one does so. For Orlando was a trifle clumsy.
     He was careful to avoid meeting anyone. There was Stubbs, the gardener,
coming  along the path. He  hid behind a  tree  till  he had  passed. He let
himself out at a little  gate in  the garden wall. He  skirted all  stables,
kennels, breweries, carpenters' shops,  washhouses, places  where they  make
tallow candles, kill oxen, forge horse-shoes, stitch jerkins - for the house
was a town ringing with men at work at their various crafts - and gained the
ferny path  leading  uphill through  the  park  unseen.  There is  perhaps a
kinship among qualities; one draws another along with it; and the biographer
should  here call attention to the fact that  this clumsiness is often mated
with  a  love  of solitude.  Having stumbled over a chest, Orlando naturally
loved solitary places, vast views, and to feel himself for ever and ever and
ever alone.
     So, after a  long  silence, "I  am alone," he breathed at last, opening
his  lips  for  the  first time  in this record. He had  walked very quickly
uphill through ferns and  hawthorn bushes, startling deer and wild birds, to
a place crowned by a single  oak tree. It was very high, so high indeed that
nineteen English counties could be seen beneath; and on clear days thirty or
perhaps  forty,  if  the weather was very fine. Sometimes one could  see the
English  Channel, wave reiterating  upon wave.  Rivers  could  be  seen  and
pleasure boats gliding on them; and galleons setting out to sea; and armadas
with  puffs  of smoke from which came  the dull thud  of cannon  firing; and
forts on  the coast;  and castles among the meadows; and here a watch tower;
and  there a  fortress; and again some vast mansion like that  of  Orlando's
father, massed like a town in the valley circled by walls. To the east there
were the spires of London and the smoke of the city; and perhaps on the very
sky  line,  when  the  wind was  in  the right quarter,  the craggy top  and
serrated edges of Snowdon herself showed mountainous among the clouds. For a
moment Orlando stood counting, gazing,  recognizing.  That was  his father's
house; that his uncle's.  His aunt owned those three great turrets among the
trees there. The heath was theirs and the forest; the pheasant and the deer,
the fox, the badger, and the butterfly.
     He  sighed profoundly, and  flung himself  - there was a passion in his
movements which  deserves  the word - on  the earth at the  foot of the  oak
tree.  He loved,  beneath all this  summer  transiency, to feel  the earth's
spine beneath him; for such he took the hard root of the oak tree to be; or,
for image  followed  image,  it was the  back of a great  horse that  he was
riding, or the deck of a tumbling ship - it  was anything indeed, so long as
it was  hard, for he felt  the need of  something which he  could attach his
floating heart to; the  heart that tugged at his side; the heart that seemed
filled  with  spiced and amorous gales every evening about this time when he
walked out. To the  oak tree he tied it and  as he lay there,  gradually the
flutter in and  about him  stilled itself; the little  leaves hung, the deer
stopped; the pale  summer clouds stayed; his limbs grew heavy on the ground;
and  he lay so  still that by degrees the deer  stepped nearer and the rooks
wheeled round  him and the  swallows dipped and circled and  the dragonflies
shot past,  as  if  all the fertility  and amorous  activity  of a  summer's
evening were woven web-like about his body.
     After an hour or so - the sun was rapidly sinking, the white clouds had
turned red, the hills  were violet, the woods purple, the valleys black -  a
trumpet sounded.  Orlando leapt to his feet.  The shrill sound came from the
valley. It came from a dark spot down there; a spot compact and mapped  out;
a maze; a town, yet girt about with walls; it came from the heart of his own
great  house in the  valley, which, dark before, even  as he looked  and the
single  trumpet  duplicated and  reduplicated  itself  with  other  shriller
sounds, lost its darkness  and became  pierced  with lights. Some were small
hurrying  lights, as if servants dashed along corridors to answer summonses;
others  were  high  and  lustrous   lights,  as  if   they  burnt  in  empty
banqueting-halls made ready to  receive  guests who had not come; and others
dipped  and  waved  and sank and rose, as  if held in the hands of troops of
serving  men, bending,  kneeling, rising, receiving, guarding, and escorting
with  all dignity  indoors  a great  Princess  alighting from  her  chariot.
Coaches turned and wheeled in the courtyard. Horses tossed their plumes. The
Queen had come.
     Orlando looked no more. He  dashed downhill. He  let  himself in  at  a
wicket gate. He  tore up  the  winding  staircase.  He  reached his room. He
tossed  his stockings to one side of the  room, his jerkin to the  other. He
dipped his head. He scoured  his hands.  He pared his finger  nails. With no
more than six inches of looking-glass and a pair of old candles to help him,
he had thrust  on  crimson breeches, lace collar, waistcoat  of taffeta, and
shoes with rosettes  on them as  big as  double  dahlias  in less  than  ten
minutes by the stable clock.  He was ready. He was flushed. He  was excited.
But he was terribly late.
     By  short  cuts known  to  him, he  made his way now through  the  vast
congeries of rooms and staircases to the banqueting-hall, five acres distant
on the  other side of  the house. But  half-way there, in the back  quarters
where  the  servants  lived,  he   stopped.  The   door  of  Mrs  Stewkley's
sitting-room stood open - she was gone, doubtless, with all her keys to wait
upon  her mistress.  But there, sitting at the servant's dinner table with a
tankard beside  him and paper in front of him, sat a rather fat, shabby man,
whose ruff was a thought dirty, and whose  clothes were of hodden  brown. He
held  a pen  in his  hand,  but he was not writing. He seemed in the  act of
rolling some thought  up and down, to and fro in his  mind  till it gathered
shape or  momentum  to his  liking. His eyes,  globed and  clouded like some
green stone of curious texture,  were fixed. He did not see Orlando. For all
his hurry, Orlando  stopped dead. Was  this a poet?  Was he  writing poetry?
"Tell me," he wanted to say, "everything  in  the whole world" - for he  had
the wildest, most absurd, extravagant ideas about poets and poetry - but how
speak to a man  who does  not see you? who sees ogres,  satyrs, perhaps  the
depths  of the sea instead? So Orlando stood gazing while the man turned his
pen in his fingers, this way and  that way;  and gazed and  mused; and then,
very quickly,  wrote half-a-dozen  lines and looked  up. Whereupon  Orlando,
overcome with shyness,  darted off and reached the banqueting-hall only just
in time to sink upon his knees and, hanging his  head in confusion, to offer
a bowl of rose water to the great Queen herself.
     Such was  his  shyness that he saw no more of her than her ringed hands
in water; but it was enough. It was  a memorable hand; a thin hand with long
fingers  always  curling  as if round orb  or sceptre;  a  nervous, crabbed,
sickly hand; a commanding hand too; a hand that had only to raise itself for
a head to fall; a hand, he guessed, attached to  an old body that smelt like
a cupboard in which furs are kept in camphor; which body was yet caparisoned
in all  sorts  of  brocades  and gems; and  held itself very upright  though
perhaps in pain from sciatica;  and never flinched though strung together by
a thousand  fears; and the Queen's eyes were light yellow.  All this he felt
as the great rings flashed  in the water and then something pressed his hair
- which, perhaps, accounts for his seeing  nothing  more likely to be of use
to a historian. And  in truth, his mind was such a welter  of opposites - of
the  night and the blazing candles, of the shabby  poet and the great Queen,
of silent fields and the clatter of serving men - that he could see nothing;
or only a hand.
     By the same  showing, the Queen herself can have seen only a head.  But
if  it  is  possible from a  hand  to deduce a body, informed with  all  the
attributes of a great Queen, her crabbedness, courage, frailty, and  terror,
surely a head can be as fertile, looked down upon from a chair of state by a
lady whose eyes were always, if the waxworks at the Abbey are to be trusted,
wide  open.  The  long,  curled  hair, the dark head bent so reverently,  so
innocently  before  her,  implied a  pair  of  the finest legs that a  young
nobleman has ever stood upright upon;  and violet eyes; and a heart of gold;
and  loyalty  and manly  charm - all qualities which the old woman loved the
more  the more they  failed  her. For  she was growing old and worn and bent
before her time. The sound of cannon was always  in her ears. She saw always
the glistening poison drop and the long stiletto. As  she sat  at table  she
listened; she heard the guns in the Channel; she dreaded - was that a curse,
was that a whisper? Innocence, simplicity, were all the more dear to her for
the dark background she  set  them against.  And it was that same night,  so
tradition  has  it,  when  Orlando  was  sound asleep, that  she  made  over
formally,  putting her hand  and  seal finally to the parchment, the gift of
the great monastic house that had  been the Archbishop's and then the King's
to Orlando's father.
     Orlando slept  all  night  in ignorance. He had been  kissed by a queen
without knowing  it. And perhaps,  for women's hearts  are intricate, it was
his ignorance and the start he gave when her lips touched him  that kept the
memory of her young cousin (for they had blood in common) green in her mind.
At any rate, two  years of  this quiet  country  life  had  not  passed, and
Orlando  had written  no  more perhaps than  twenty  tragedies  and a  dozen
histories and a score of sonnets when a  message came that  he was to attend
the Queen at Whitehall.
     "Here,"  she said, watching him advance  down the long  gallery towards
her, "comes my  innocent!" (There was a  serenity about him always which had
the look of innocence when, technically, the word was no longer applicable.)
     "Come!" she said. She was sitting bolt upright beside the fire. And she
held him a foot's pace from her and looked him up and down. Was she matching
her speculations  the other night with the truth  now visible?  Did she find
her guesses justified? Eyes, mouth, nose, breast, hips, hands - she ran them
over; her lips twitched visibly as she looked; but when she saw his legs she
laughed out loud. He was the very image of a noble gentleman. But  inwardly?
She flashed her yellow hawk's eyes upon him as if she would pierce his soul.
The young man withstood her  gaze blushing only a damask rose as became him.
Strength,  grace, romance, folly,  poetry, youth - she read him like a page.
Instantly she plucked a ring from her finger (the joint was swollen  rather)
and  as she fitted it to his, named him her Treasurer and Steward; next hung
about him  chains of office; and bidding him bend his knee, tied round it at
the slenderest part the jewelled order of the Garter. Nothing after that was
denied him.  When she drove in  state he rode at her carriage door. She sent
him to Scotland on a  sad embassy to the unhappy Queen. He was about to sail
for the Polish wars when she  recalled him.  For how could she bear to think
of that tender flesh torn and that curly head  rolled in the dust?  She kept
him with her. At the height of her triumph when the guns were booming at the
Tower and the air was thick enough with gunpowder to make one sneeze and the
huzzas of the people rang beneath the windows, she pulled him down among the
cushions where her women had laid her (she was so worn and old) and made him
bury  his face  in that astonishing  composition - she  had  not changed her
dress for a month - which smelt for all the world, he thought, recalling his
boyish  memory, like some old  cabinet at home where his mother's furs  were
stored. He rose, half suffocated from the embrace. "This," she breathed, "is
my victory!" - even as a rocket roared up and dyed her cheeks scarlet.
     For the old woman loved him. And the Queen, who knew a man when she saw
one,  though not,  it is said, in  the usual way, plotted for him a splendid
ambitious career. Lands  were given him, houses  assigned him. He  was to be
the son of her old age; the limb of her infirmity; the oak tree on which she
leant  her  degradation.  She   croaked   out  these  promises  and  strange
domineering tendernesses (they were at Richmond now) sitting bolt upright in
her stiff brocades by the fire which, however high they piled it, never kept
her warm.
     Meanwhile, the long  winter months drew on. Every tree in the Park  was
lined with frost. The river ran sluggishly. One day when the snow was on the
ground and the dark  panelled rooms were full  of shadows and the stags were
barking in the Park, she saw in the mirror, which she kept for fear of spies
always by her, through the door, which she kept for fear of murderers always
open, a boy - could it be  Orlando - kissing a girl? who in the Devil's name
was  the  brazen hussy?  Snatching at  her golden-hilted  sword  she  struck
violently at  the  mirror. The glass crashed;  people came running;  she was
lifted and  set in her  chair  again;  but  she was stricken  after that and
groaned much, as her days wore to an end, of man's treachery.
     It  was  Orlando's fault  perhaps;  yet,  after  all, are  we  to blame
Orlando? The age was the Elizabethan; their morals were not ours;  nor their
poets;  nor  their  climate;  nor  their  vegetables  even.  Everything  was
different. The weather itself, the heat and cold of summer and  winter, was,
we may believe, of another temper altogether. The brilliant amorous  day was
divided  as  sheerly from  the night as land from water. Sunsets were redder
and  more  intense; dawns  were whiter and more auroral.  Of our crepuscular
half-lights  and  lingering  twilights  they  knew  nothing. The  rain  fell
vehemently, or not at all. The sun blazed or there was darkness. Translating
this to the spiritual regions as their wont is,  the poets sang  beautifully
how roses fade and petals fall. The moment is brief they sang; the moment is
over; one long night is then to be slept by all.  As for using the artifices
of the  greenhouse  or conservatory to prolong or preserve these fresh pinks
and roses, that was not their way. The withered  intricacies and ambiguities
of our more gradual and doubtful age were unknown to them. Violence was all.
The flower bloomed and  faded.  The sun rose and  sank. The  lover loved and
went. And what the poets said in rhyme, the young  translated into practice.
Girls were roses, and their seasons were short as the flowers'. Plucked they
must be  before nightfall; for the day was brief  and the day was all. Thus,
if Orlando followed the leading  of the climate, of  the  poets, of  the age
itself, and plucked his flower in the  window-seat even with the snow on the
ground  and  the  Queen  vigilant  in  the corridor  we  can  scarcely bring
ourselves  to blame  him. He  was young; he was boyish; he did but as nature
bade him do. As for the girl, we  know no more than Queen Elizabeth  herself
did what her name was. It may have been Doris, Chloris, Delia, or Diana, for
he made rhymes to them all in turn; equally, she may have been a court lady,
or  some  serving maid. For  Orlando's taste  was broad; he was no  lover of
garden flowers only;  the wild  and the weeds even had always  a fascination
for him.
     Here, indeed, we lay bare  rudely, as a biographer may, a curious trait
in him, to be accounted for, perhaps, by the fact that a certain grandmother
of his had worn  a smock and carried  milk-pails. Some grains of the Kentish
or Sussex  earth were mixed with the thin, fine fluid which came to him from
Normandy. He held  that the mixture of brown earth and blue blood was a good
one. Certain it is  that he had always a liking for low company,  especially
for that of lettered people whose wits so often keep them under, as if there
were the  sympathy of blood  between  them. At this season of his life, when
his head brimmed  with rhymes and he never went to bed without striking  off
some conceit, the  cheek  of an innkeeper's daughter seemed fresher  and the
wit  of  a  gamekeeper's  niece  seemed  quicker than those of the ladies at
Court.  Hence, he began going frequently to  Wapping Old Stairs and the beer
gardens at night,  wrapped in a grey cloak to hide the star at  his neck and
the  garter at his  knee.  There,  with a  mug before him, among the  sanded
alleys and bowling greens and all the simple architecture of such places, he
listened  to  sailors'  stories  of hardship and horror  and cruelty  on the
Spanish main;  how some  had lost their toes,  others their noses  - for the
spoken  story was never so  rounded or  so finely  coloured  as the written.
Especially he loved  to hear  them  volley forth their songs of  the Azores,
while the parakeets, which they had  brought from those parts, pecked at the
rings in their ears, tapped with their hard  acquisitive beaks at the rubies
on their  fingers,  and swore  as vilely  as  their  masters. The women were
scarcely less  bold in their speech and less  free in their manner  than the
birds. They  perched on his knee,  flung  their  arms  round his  neck  and,
guessing that something  out of the common lay hid beneath his duffle cloak,
were quite as eager to come at the truth of the matter as Orlando himself.
     Nor was opportunity lacking. The  river was  astir early  and late with
barges, wherries, and craft of all description. Every day sailed to sea some
fine ship bound for the Indies; now  and again another blackened  and ragged
with hairy  men on  board crept painfully to anchor. No  one missed a boy or
girl  if  they  dallied a  little  on the water  after sunset;  or raised an
eyebrow if gossip  had seen them sleeping soundly  among the  treasure sacks
safe in  each  other's  arms.  Such  indeed  was the  adventure  that befell
Orlando, Sukey, and the Earl of Cumberland. The day was hot; their loves had
been  active; they had fallen asleep among the  rubies. Late  that night the
Earl, whose  fortunes were much bound up  in  the Spanish  ventures, came to
check the booty alone with  a lantern. He flashed the  light on a barrel. He
started  back with an oath. Twined about the cask two spirits lay  sleeping.
Superstitious  by  nature, and his conscience laden  with many a crime,  the
Earl took the  couple - they were wrapped in a red  cloak, and Sukey's bosom
was almost as white as the eternal snows of Orlando's poetry - for a phantom
sprung  from  the  graves  of  drowned  sailors  to upbraid  him. He crossed
himself. He vowed repentance. The  row of alms houses  still standing in the
Sheen  Road  is the visible fruit of that  moment's panic.  Twelve poor  old
women of the  parish  today drink tea  and tonight bless  his Lordship for a
roof above their heads; so that  illicit love  in a  treasure ship - but  we
omit the moral.
     Soon, however, Orlando grew tired, not only of  the  discomfort of this
way  of  life, and of the crabbed  streets of  the neighbourhood, but of the
primitive manner  of the people. For it has to be remembered that crime  and
poverty had  none of the attraction for the Elizabethans that they have  for
us. They had none  of our modern shame of  book learning; none of our belief
that to be born the son  of a butcher is a blessing and to be unable to read
a  virtue; no  fancy  that what we  call "life"  and  "reality"  are somehow
connected  with ignorance and  brutality;  nor, indeed,  any  equivalent for
these two words at all. It  was  not to seek  "life" that Orlando went among
them; not in quest of "reality" that he  left them.  But when he had heard a
score of times how Jakes had lost his nose and Sukey  her honour - and  they
told the  stories admirably,  it must be admitted - he began  to be a little
weary  of  the repetition, for  a nose can only be  cut off  in one  way and
maidenhood lost in another -  or so it seemed to him - whereas  the arts and
the  sciences  had  a  diversity about  them  which  stirred  his  curiosity
profoundly. So, always keeping them in happy memory, he left off frequenting
the  beer  gardens  and  the  skittle  alleys, hung his  grey cloak  in  his
wardrobe, let his star shine at his neck and his garter twinkle at his knee,
and appeared  once  more at the Court of  King  James. He was young, he  was
rich,  he  was  handsome.  No  one  could have been  received  with  greater
acclamation than he was.
     It  is  certain indeed  that  many ladies were ready  to show him their
favours.  The names  of three at  least  were freely  coupled  with  his  in
marriage - Clorinda, Favilla, Euphrosyne - so he called them in his sonnets.
     To  take  them  in order;  Clorinda  was a sweet-mannered  gentle  lady
enough; indeed Orlando was greatly taken with her for six months and a half;
but she had white eyelashes and could  not  bear the sight of  blood. A hare
brought up  roasted  at her father's  table turned her  faint. She  was much
under the influence of the  Priests too, and stinted her underlinen in order
to give to the poor. She took it on her to reform Orlando of his sins, which
sickened him, so that  he  drew  back from the  marriage, and  did  not much
regret it when she died soon after of the small-pox.
     Favilla,  who comes  next, was of a  different sort altogether. She was
the daughter of a poor Somersetshire  gentleman; who, by sheer assiduity and
the  use of her eyes had worked  her way up at court,  where  her address in
horsemanship,  her fine instep, and her grace in dancing  won the admiration
of all. Once, however, she was so ill-advised  as to whip a spaniel that had
torn one of her silk stockings (and it  must be said in justice that Favilla
had few stockings and those  for the most part of drugget) within an inch of
its  life beneath Orlando's window. Orlando, who  was a  passionate lover of
animals, now noticed  that her teeth were crooked, and the two  front turned
inward, which, he said, is a sure sign of  a perverse  and cruel disposition
in women, and so broke the engagement that very night for ever.
     The third, Euphrosyne, was by far the  most serious of his  flames. She
was  by  birth one of the Irish  Desmonds and had therefore a family tree of
her own as old and  deeply rooted as Orlando's itself. She was fair, florid,
and a trifle phlegmatic. She spoke Italian well, had  a perfect set of teeth
in  the upper jaw, though those  on the lower were slightly discoloured. She
was never  without  a whippet or  spaniel at her  knee; fed them  with white
bread  from  her own  plate;  sang sweetly to  the virginals; and was  never
dressed  before mid-day owing to the extreme care she took of her person. In
short,  she  would have made a perfect wife for such a nobleman as  Orlando,
and matters had gone so far  that  the lawyers on both  sides were busy with
covenants, jointures,  settlements,  messuages,  tenements, and whatever  is
needed  before  one  great  fortune can  mate  with another  when,  with the
suddenness and severity that then marked the English climate, came the Great
Frost.
     The Great Frost was, historians tell us, the most severe that  has ever
visited these islands. Birds  froze in mid-air  and fell like stones to  the
ground.  At Norwich a  young countrywoman  started to  cross the road in her
usual robust health and was seen by the onlookers to turn  visibly to powder
and be blown in a puff of dust over the roofs as the icy blast struck her at
the  street  corner. The mortality  among  sheep and  cattle  was  enormous.
Corpses froze  and could not be drawn  from  the sheets. It was no  uncommon
sight to come upon a whole herd of swine frozen immovable upon the road. The
fields were full  of  shepherds, ploughmen,  teams  of  horses,  and  little
bird-scaring boys all struck stark in the act of the moment,  one  with  his
hand to his nose, another with the bottle to his lips, a third with a  stone
raised to throw at the ravens who sat, as if stuffed, upon the hedge  within
a yard of him. The severity of the frost was so extraordinary that a kind of
petrifaction  sometimes ensued;  and it was commonly supposed that the great
increase of rocks  in  some parts of Derbyshire was due to no  eruption, for
there was  none, but to the solidification of unfortunate  wayfarers who had
been turned  literally  to  stone where  they  stood. The Church could  give
little  help  in  the  matter,  and though some  landowners had these relics
blessed,   the  most  part  preferred  to  use  them  either  as  landmarks,
scratching-posts for sheep, or, when the form of the stone allowed, drinking
troughs  for cattle, which purposes they serve, admirably for the most part,
to this day.
     But while  the country people suffered the  extremity of  want, and the
trade  of the country was at a standstill, London enjoyed a carnival  of the
utmost brilliancy. The Court  was at Greenwich, and the new  King seized the
opportunity that his  coronation gave him to curry favour with the citizens.
He directed that the river, which was frozen to a  depth of twenty feet  and
more for  six or seven miles on either  side, should be swept, decorated and
given all the semblance of a park or pleasure ground,  with  arbours, mazes,
alleys, drinking booths, etc. at his expense. For himself and the courtiers,
he reserved a certain space  immediately opposite the  Palace  gates; which,
railed off from the public only by a silken rope, became  at once the centre
of  the most brilliant society  in England. Great statesmen, in their beards
and ruffs, despatched affairs of state under the crimson awning of the Royal
Pagoda.  Soldiers planned the  conquest of the Moor and the downfall of  the
Turk in striped arbours surmounted  by  plumes of ostrich feathers. Admirals
strode up and down the narrow pathways, glass in hand, sweeping  the horizon
and telling stories of the north-west passage and the Spanish Armada. Lovers
dallied upon divans spread  with  sables. Frozen roses  fell in showers when
the Queen and her ladies walked abroad. Coloured balloons hovered motionless
in the air. Here  and  there  burnt  vast  bonfires  of cedar and oak  wood,
lavishly  salted, so that the flames were of green, orange, and purple fire.
But however  fiercely they burnt, the  heat  was not enough to melt  the ice
which, though of singular transparency, was yet of the hardness of steel. So
clear indeed was  it that there could  be seen,  congealed  at  a  depth  of
several  feet,  here a porpoise,  there  a  flounder.  Shoals  of  eels  lay
motionless in  a trance, but whether their state was  one of death or merely
of   suspended   animation   which  the  warmth  would  revive  puzzled  the
philosophers. Near  London Bridge, where the river had frozen to a  depth of
some twenty fathoms, a wrecked wherry boat was plainly visible, lying on the
bed of the river where  it had sunk last autumn, overladen with apples.  The
old  bumboat woman, who was carrying her fruit to market on the Surrey side,
sat there in her  plaids and farthingales with  her lap full of  apples, for
all the  world as if she were about to serve  a  customer, though a  certain
blueness about the lips hinted the truth. 'Twas a sight King James specially
liked  to look upon, and he would bring a  troupe  of courtiers to gaze with
him. In short, nothing could exceed the brilliancy and  gaiety of  the scene
by day. But it was  at night that the carnival was at its merriest. For  the
frost continued unbroken; the nights were of perfect stillness; the moon and
stars  blazed with the hard  fixity of diamonds,  and to the  fine  music of
flute and trumpet the courtiers danced.
     Orlando, it is true, was none of  those who tread  lightly the corantoe
and lavolta;  he was clumsy and a little absentminded. He much preferred the
plain  dances  of  his  own country,  which  he danced  as a child to  these
fantastic foreign  measures.  He had  indeed just brought his  feet together
about six in  the evening  of the seventh of January  at  the finish of some
such  quadrille or minuet when he beheld, coming  from  the pavilion of  the
Muscovite Embassy, a figure, which, whether boy's or  woman's, for the loose
tunic and trousers of the Russian fashion served to disguise the sex, filled
him with the highest curiosity. The person,  whatever  the name or  sex, was
about  middle  height,  very  slenderly fashioned, and  dressed entirely  in
oyster-coloured velvet, trimmed with some unfamiliar  greenish-coloured fur.
But  these details  were obscured  by the  extraordinary seductiveness which
issued  from  the  whole person.  Images, metaphors of the most extreme  and
extravagant  twined and twisted  in  his  mind.  He called  her  a  melon, a
pineapple, an olive tree, an emerald, and a fox in the snow all in the space
of three seconds; he did not know whether he had heard her, tasted her, seen
her,  or all three together. (For though we must  pause not  a moment in the
narrative we may  here  hastily note that all his images  at  this time were
simple in the extreme to match his senses and were mostly taken from  things
he had liked the taste  of as a boy. But if his senses were simple they were
at  the same time extremely strong.  To pause therefore and seek the reasons
of things is out of the question.)...A  melon, an emerald, a fox in the snow
- so he raved, so he stared. When the boy, for  alas, a boy it must  be - no
woman could skate with such  speed and vigour  - swept almost on tiptoe past
him, Orlando was ready to tear his hair with vexation that the person was of
his own sex, and thus all embraces were out of the question. But  the skater
came  closer. Legs, hands, carriage, were  a boy's, but  no boy ever  had  a
mouth like that; no  boy had  those breasts; no boy had eyes which looked as
if  they  had been fished from the bottom  of the sea. Finally, coming  to a
stop and  sweeping  a  curtsey with the  utmost grace  to the  King, who was
shuffling past  on the  arm of some Lord-in-waiting, the unknown skater came
to  a  standstill. She was not a handsbreadth off. She was a woman.  Orlando
stared; trembled; turned  hot; turned  cold; longed to hurl  himself through
the  summer air; to crush acorns beneath his feet; to  toss his