erezhivanie smerti i vozrozhdeniya soprovozhdaetsya perezhivaniem kosmicheskogo edinstva, lyudi obychno nachinayut vosprinimat' sebya i mir v vide duhovnoj energii, uchastvuyushchej v bozhestvennoj igre, a obydennuyu real'nost', -- kak svyashchennuyu v svoej osnove. Podobnye prevrashcheniya obychno yarko vyrazheny v techenie neskol'kih dnej ili nedel' posle glubokogo i horosho proshedshego LSD-seansa, vklyuchavshego v sebya opyt smerti-vozrozhdeniya. Izmeneniya, kak pravilo, stol' razitel'ny, chto vrachi, provodyashchie eti seansy, nazyvayut ih na professional'nom zhargone "psiho-delicheskij otsvet". Ran'she ili pozzhe oni oslabevayut. Pod vliyaniem davleniya i trebovanij so storony social'nogo okruzheniya mnogie bolee ili menee utrachivayut svyaz' so svoimi kosmicheskimi perezhivaniyami. Odnako obretennoe v rezul'tate postizhenie filosofskih i duhovnyh parametrov okruzhayushchej nas real'nosti imeet tendenciyu prisutstvovat' neopredelenno dolgo. Proyavlyaya volyu, mozhno ispol'zovat' glubokie znaniya, poluchennye v itoge perezhivaniya smerti-vozrozhdeniya, kak rukovodstvo dlya izmeneniya vsej svoej zhizni. Nekotorye lyudi mogut takim putem sozdat' dlya samih sebya polozhenie, pri kotorom dlya nih potencial'no dostupny, chashche vsego ne tol'ko prozreniya, svyazannye so znaniem, no i novye duhovnye oshchushcheniya. Bylo by opasnym sverhuproshcheniem predstavlyat' process smerti-vozrozhdeniya lish' s odnoj storony, delaya akcent na ego potencial'noj pol'ze i nichego ne govorya o ser'eznyh opasnostyah, sushchestvuyushchih v dannoj oblasti. Seansy LSD, v kotoryh aktivizirovan perinatal'nyj material, ne tol'ko sposobstvuyut glubokim pozitivnym izmeneniyam, no i yavlyayutsya potencial'nym istochnikom naibolee chastyh zatrudnenij, proishodyashchih v hode LSD-procedury. Ploho proshedshie seansy, soderzhavshie perina-tal'nye komponenty, mogut privesti k glubokim zatormozhennym i azhitirovannym depressiyam s suicidal'nymi tendenciyami, razrushitel'nym i samorazrushitel'nym pobuzhdeniyam, paranoidal'-nym sostoyaniyam ili pretencioznym i messianskim proyavleniyam. Nameki na nekotorye iz etih opasnostej chasto obnaruzhivayutsya v svyazi s proishodyashchim v ramkah razlichnyh obryadov perehoda processom transformacii. Soglasno misticheskoj literature, ustnoj tradicii korennyh kul'tur, razlichnogo roda mifologicheskim opisaniyam, bespechnomu i neopytnomu iskatelyu ili duhovnomu avantyuristu, grozit opasnost' fizicheskih boleznej, bezumiya i dazhe smerti. Nadlezhashchie prigotovleniya, podderzhka i rukovodstvo absolyutno neobhodimy dlya vstupayushchego v eti oblasti chelovecheskogo soznaniya*. U dushevnobol'nyh lechebnoe dejstvie, vyzyvaemoe opytom smerti i vozrozhdeniya nastol'ko vazhno, chto my ostanovimsya na etoj teme podrobnee. Vidimo, v perinatal'nyh matricah korenyatsya glubinnye istoki samyh yavnyh storon mnogih psihopatologicheskih sindromov. Takie klyuchevye simptomy, kak trevoga, agressivnost', podavlennost', napryazhennost', chuvstvo viny, naryadu s oshchushcheniyami tipa chuvstva bespomoshchnosti i nepolnocennosti, sudya" po vsemu, soderzhatsya v perezhivaniyah perinatal'nogo urovnya. Analogichno, chasto mozhno prosledit' ozabochennost' razlichnymi fiziologicheskimi funkciyami ili biologicheskimi substratami, ipohondricheskie perezhivaniya i shirokij krug psihosomaticheskoj simptomatiki vplot' do komponentov, vhodyashchih v process smerti-vozrozhdeniya. |to verno v otnoshenii obychnyh golovnyh bolej i migrenej, nevroticheskogo oshchushcheniya nehvatki kisloroda i udush'ya, narushenij serdechnoj deyatel'nosti, toshnoty i rvoty, razlichnyh vidov dvigatel'nyh narushenij i myshechnoj napryazhennosti, bolej i tremora. Dovol'no chasto v hode psiholiticheskoj terapii s ispol'zovaniem LSD sluchalos', chto pacienty vyhodili za predely psihodinamicheskogo urovnya, odnako ne razreshali mnogie iz svoih psihopatologicheskih simptomov do teh por, poka ne prorabatyvali material, svyazannyj s perinatal'nymi matricami. CHtoby dostich' dlitel'nogo razresheniya, a ne vremennoj remissii klaustrofobii ili zatormozhennoj depressii, predstavlyalos' neobhodimym projti cherez matricu "otsutstviya vyhoda". CHasto ostrye suicidal'nye ustremleniya polnost'yu ischezali posle togo, kak pacienty prorabatyvali i usvaivali perinatal'nyj material. Neskol'ko chelovek, proshedshih skvoz' process smerti-vozrozhdeniya, nezavisimo drug ot druga zayavili, chto ih bylye suicidal'nye naklonnosti na dele byli neponyatnym stremleniem k _______________________ * Poleznye, a takzhe otricatel'nye storony dejstviya LSD-seansov, vklyuchayushchih v sebya aktivizirovanie perinatal'nyh matric, byli podrobno opisany Stanislavom Grofom v knige "Oblasti chelovecheskogo bessoznatel'nogo". Prakticheskoe rukovodstvo s cel'yu dobit'sya maksimuma pol'zy i svesti k minimumu risk, skrytyj v psihodelicheskom processe perezhivaniya smerti-vozrozhdeniya, v obshchih chertah budut izlozheny v sleduyushchej knige. preodoleniyu ego. Poskol'ku v to vremya takoe ponimanie u nih otsutstvovalo, oni izbrali v obŽektivnoj real'nosti situaciyu ves'ma shozhuyu so smert'yu ego, a imenno: fizicheskoe samounichtozhenie. Perezhivanie psihologicheskoj smerti i vozrozhdeniya obychno unichtozhaet ili rezko oslablyaet suicidal'nye pobuzhdeniya i mysli. Moshchnye agressivnye i samorazrushitel'nye pozyvy byli snyaty v hode mnogih dramaticheskih epizodov perezhivaniya processa smerti-vozrozhdeniya. Krome togo, posle smerti ego, chelovecheskoe sushchestvovanie chasto vosprinimaetsya na bolee shirokom fone. Kakimi by slozhnymi ni kazalis', s obŽektivnoj tochki zreniya, zhiznennaya situaciya i sozdavshiesya obstoyatel'stva, samoubijstvo bol'she ne predstavlyaetsya resheniem problemy. V nashej rabote s alkogolikami i narkomanami, upotreblyavshimi geroin, nablyudaemaya kartina pohodila na to, chto proishodilo u lic s suicidal'nymi naklonnostyami. Lezhashchie v osnove etih sostoyanij pobuditel'nye prichiny, podobny, i s opredelennoj tochki zreniya, alkogolizm i narkomaniya yavlyayutsya formami zamedlennogo samoubijstva. U teh, kto prinimal LSD i perezhil glubokoe chuvstvo kosmicheskogo edinstva, zachastuyu razvivalos' negativnoe otnoshenie k sostoyaniyam soznaniya, vyzyvaemogo op'yaneniem ili narkotikami. V hode issledovaniya "Spring Grouv", v kotorom chislo LSD-sean-sov bylo ogranichennym, sredi alkogolikov i narkomanov, prinimavshih geroin, chetko proyavilas' tendenciya k othodu ot svoej privychki v rezul'tate odnogo seansa, provodimogo s primeneniem vysokoj dozy preparata. V bolee svobodnyh lechebnyh usloviyah, sushchestvovavshih v Prazhskom nauchno-issledovatel'skom institute psihiatrii, gde bylo vozmozhno provedenie serij LSD-sean-sov, polnaya prorabotka perinatal'nogo materiala v neskol'kih sluchayah privodila k ustojchivomu vozderzhaniyu i glubokoj perestrojke lichnosti u alkogolikov i narkomanov. Prozreniya etih pacientov, kasavshiesya prirody ih privychek, podobny prozreniyam, imevshim mesto u lic s suicidal'nymi naklonnostyami. Perezhiv v hode seansov chuvstvo kosmicheskogo edinstva, oni osoznali, chto to, k chemu oni stremilis', bylo transcendentnost'yu, a ne narkoticheskim durmanom. Oni uvideli opredelennoe iskusstvennoe shodstvo i vzaimoperesechenie odurmanivaniya, vyzyvaemogo alkogolem ili geroinom, s oshchushcheniem edinstva, aktivizirovannym LSD, i nachinali ponimat', chto ih stremlenie k vinu i narkotikam osnovyvalos' na smeshenii etih dvuh sostoyanij. Komponenty, vidimo, obshchie dlya etih dvuh sostoyanij, -- umen'shenie ili ischeznovenie razlichnyh boleznennyh emocij i oshchushchenij, ravnodushie k proshlomu i budushchemu i neraschlenennoe sostoyanie soznaniya. Odnako, s drugoj storony, mnogie sushchestvennye harakteristiki sostoyaniya edinstva ne yavlyayutsya chast'yu perezhivanij, vyzyvaemyh alkogolem ili narkotikami. Vmesto sostoyaniya kosmicheskogo soznaniya vo vsej ego beskonechnosti narkotiki i alkogol' sozdayut karikaturu, dostatochno pohozhuyu, chtoby obmanut' i sklonit' k ih regulyarnomu zloupotrebleniyu vkusivshih ih. Povtoryayushchijsya priem privodit k biologicheskoj privyazannosti k preparatu i nanosit upotreblyayushchemu ego fizicheskij, emocional'nyj i social'nyj ushcherb. Posle opyta smerti eto zloupotreblenie alkogolem ili narkotikami, a takzhe suicidal'nye tendencii vosprinimayutsya kak tragicheskaya oshibka, yavlyayushchayasya sledstviem neuznannoj, nepravil'no istolkovannoj duhovnoj tyagi k transcendentnosti. Nalichie sil'nyh chuvstv podobnogo roda, skol' neveroyatnym eto ne pokazalos' by znakomym so stilem zhizni i povedeniya narkomanov i alkogolikov, mozhet byt' proillyustrirovano statisticheskimi dannymi, poluchennymi vo vremya psihodelicheskoj terapii. V hode provodimyh v klinike "Spring Grouv" issledovanij alkogoliki i narkomany pokazali samyj vysokij procent misticheskih perezhivanij iz vseh izuchavshihsya grupp, vklyuchaya nevrotikov, specialistov po psihogigiene i umirayushchih. Simvolicheskaya vstrecha so smert'yu takzhe okazyvaet znachitel'noe vozdejstvie na agressivnost' i sadomazohizm. Aktivizaciya razrushitel'nogo potenciala lichnosti yavlyaetsya odnim iz vazhnejshih aspektov bor'by smerti i vozrozhdeniya. Sceny nasiliya i massovogo unichtozheniya, naryadu s obrazami sadomazohist-skih orgij, yavlyayutsya postoyannymi elementami perinatal'nyh razvertok. V nih sobiraetsya i razryazhaetsya ogromnoe kolichestvo razrushitel'noj energii, i v rezul'tate rezko snizhayutsya agressivnye chuvstva i pobuzhdeniya. Perezhivanie zhe vozrozhdeniya, kak pravilo, soprovozhdaetsya lyubov'yu, sostradaniem i uvazheniem k zhizni. Proyavleniya ostryh psihoticheskih sostoyanij chasto napominayut perezhivaniya v hode razlichnyh transformiruyushchih sobytij ritual'nogo haraktera, kotorye my uzhe opisyvali vyshe. Mnogie shizofreniki prohodyat cherez surovye ispytaniya, vklyuchayushchie v sebya krajnie stepeni fizicheskih i mental'nyh stradanij, glubokoe soznanie absurdnosti bytiya, mnogochislennye kartiny smerti, unichtozheniya mira i dazhe kosmicheskih katastrof. Adskie pytki i stolknoveniya s demonami inogda smenyayutsya perezhivaniyami vozrozhdeniya i vossozdaniya mira: Analogichno, razrushitel'nye i samorazrushitel'nye pobuzhdeniya, ozabochennost' biologicheskimi substratami i skatologicheskie interesy naryadu s koncentraciej na triade smert'-rozhdenie-seks -- ves'ma chastye yavleniya u etih lyudej. Vidimo, vazhnoj sostavnoj chast'yu shizofrenicheskogo processa yavlyaetsya aktivizaciya perinatal'nogo urovnya podsoznaniya vnutrennimi i vneshnimi faktorami neizvestnogo haraktera. V to vremya kak v hode ritualov i v ramkah psi-hodelicheskoj terapii glubinnoe soderzhanie podsoznaniya namerenno aktiviziruetsya s duhovnymi ili lechebnymi celyami v organizovannom i zashchishchennom okruzhenii, u bol'nyh shizofreniej vse eto proishodit stihijno, chashche vsego prinosya im vred. Novoe ponimanie processa shizofrenii nedavno privelo k terapevticheskim usiliyam, nacelennym na provedenie etih lyudej cherez ih perezhivaniya do konechnoj, obŽedinyayushchej chastnye proyavleniya stadii, vmesto togo, chtoby podavlyat' i pytat'sya derzhat' pod kontrolem psihoticheskuyu simptomatiku*. Material, poluchennyj v hode klinicheskih issledovanij psihodelikov, antropologicheskie i istoricheskie dannye, kasayushchiesya obryadov perehoda, a takzhe izuchenie protekaniya shizofrenii dokazyvayut vazhnost' smerti dlya chelovecheskoj psihologii i psihopatologii. Prichina psihologicheskogo znacheniya problemy smerti kroetsya ne v osoznanii intellektom fakta brennosti i znanii o neizbezhnosti konchiny, a v sushchestvovanii znachimyh hranilishch perezhivanij smerti v nashem podsoznanii. Kak subŽ-ektivnoe, tak i obŽektivnoe issledovanie dannyh oblastej oslozhnyaetsya tem, chto pri normal'nyh usloviyah perinatal'nye _________________ * Zainteresovannyj chitatel' najdet dopolnitel'nuyu informaciyu o parallelyah, sushchestvuyushchih mezhdu shizofreniej i processom posvyashcheniya, a takzhe o novyh podhodah k etomu zabolevaniyu v knigah i stat'yah R.-D. Lejnga, Dzhona Perri, Morisa Rappoporta i Dzhuliana Silvermena. Primenenie opyta, poluchennogo v hode issledovanij LSD, dlya ponimaniya shizofrenii, naryadu s opisaniem nekotoryh pervonachal'nyh eksperimentov po provedeniyu psihodelicheskoj terapii pacientov, nahodyashchihsya v psihoticheskom sostoyanii, budut podvergnuty obsuzhdeniyu v budushchej knige. energii ograzhdeny krepkimi bar'erami, ohranyayushchimi ego ot ih pryamogo vozdejstviya. Lico, ispytavshee smert' i vozrozhdenie v hode seansa, retrospektivno ponimaet, chto soznanie smerti postoyanno sushchestvovalo v nem v techenie vsej predydushchej zhizni v smyagchennoj forme ili zhe v forme mnogih ee proizvodnyh. Pri normal'nyh obstoyatel'stvah podsoznatel'naya uverennost' v smerti nezrimo prisutstvuet vo vsevozmozhnyh chelovecheskih otnosheniyah i povedenii. Kogda zhe sistema bar'erov, obychno ograzhdayushchaya ego ot perina-tal'nogo urovnya, nachinaet raspadat'sya ili chastichno narushaetsya, eti komponenty pronikayut v soznanie i probuzhdayut razlichnye nevroticheskie i psihosomaticheskie reakcii. Polnyj razval ograditel'noj sistemy proyavlyaetsya v psihoticheskih epizodah, v hode kotoryh soderzhanie perinatal'nyh matric celikom pogloshchaet ego i stanovitsya dlya individa empiricheskim mirom. Odnim iz naibolee rasprostranennyh sposobov zashchity sebya ot boleznennogo vozdejstviya perinatal'nyh komponentov yavlyaetsya to, chto lica, prinimavshie LSD, oboznachayut kak "mehanisticheskij" podhod k sushchestvovaniyu. Prozhivayushchie zhizn' podobnym obrazom, ispytyvayut glubokoe chuvstvo nedovol'stva soboj i situaciej, v kotoroj nahodyatsya, v rezul'tate osnovnaya chast' ih razmyshlenij napravlena na proshloe i budushchee. Oni postoyanno perezhevyvayut proshloe, sozhaleya o prinyatyh kogda-to resheniyah, mechtaya o tom, chto moglo by byt', postupi oni luchshim obrazom, libo podvergaya svoi dejstviya moral'noj ocenke. Ih neudovletvorennost' nastoyashchim privodit k vozniknoveniyu kompensatornyh fantazij, v kotoryh osushchestvlyaetsya zhelaemoe ili oni stroyat preuvelichennye plany, kasayushchiesya budushchih uspehov. Vne zavisimosti ot dostizheniya togo, chto dolzhno bylo prinesti udovletvorenie, ispytyvaemaya imi gorech' i oshchushchenie neispolneniya zhelaemogo ostayutsya i trebuyut razrabotki novyh chestolyubivyh celej i planov. Takaya postoyannaya orientaciya na budushchie dostizheniya nazvana filosofami-ekzistencialistami "avtoproecirovaniem". Podobnyj cikl nikogda ne zavershaetsya i lish' uvekovechivaet neudovletvorenie, ibo lyudi, podpadayushchie pod etu kategoriyu, neverno ponimayut prirodu svoih potrebnostej i koncentriruyutsya na vneshnih zamenitelyah, bud' to den'gi, polozhenie, slava ili seksual'nye dostizheniya. Mozhno vsyu zhizn' provesti podobnym obrazom, stremyas' k razlichnym vidam deyatel'nosti, kotorye, odnako, po zavershenii nikogda ne prinosyat ozhidaemogo udovletvoreniya. Zachastuyu takaya situaciya soprovozhdaetsya oshchushcheniem bessmyslennosti bytiya i nesposobnosti naslazhdat'sya plodami svoego truda. CHelovek, popavshij v porochnyj krug podobnogo roda, kak pravilo, stradaet ot ostrogo soznaniya kratkosti chelovecheskoj zhizni v svete vsego, chto mozhno bylo by ispytat' i sledovalo by sdelat'. Tot, kto proshel skvoz' psihologicheskuyu smert' i vozrozhdenie, ponimaet, chto pozitivnoe otnoshenie k zhizni i glubokoe oshchushchenie smysla svoego sushchestvovaniya ne zavisyat ot slozhnyh vneshnih obstoyatel'stv. Oni predstavlyayut soboj iznachal'noe sostoyanie organizma i sposob prebyvat' v mire, ne zavisyashchij, za isklyucheniem nekotoryh krajnih sluchaev, ot material'nyh obstoyatel'stv zhizni. Kogda prisutstvuet eto fundamental'noe prinyatie zhizni, to dazhe samye skromnye usloviya sushchestvovaniya mogut vosprinimat'sya kak stoyashchie. Kogda zhe ego net, nikakie uspehi vo vneshnem mire ne mogut darovat' ego. Ono voznikaet v hode glubokogo samoissledovaniya i vnutrennej transformacii. Hotya proyavlenie fenomena smerti-vozrozhdeniya veroyatnee vsego v special'no splanirovannyh i organizovannyh strukturah, tipa obryadov perehoda ili psihodelicheskoj terapii, glubokie perezhivaniya etogo fenomena poroj mogut proishodit' spontanno libo vsledstvie trivial'nyh sobytij povsednevnosti. To, chto glubokie epizody smerti-vozrozhdeniya sposobny imet' mesto vne ramok ih special'nogo programmirovaniya i bez primeneniya moshchnoj tehniki, nacelennoj na smenu urovnya soznaniya, ukazyvaet v gorazdo bol'shej stepeni, nezheli nashi sobstvennye nablyudeniya, na sushchestvovanie matric v chelovecheskom podsoznanii, porozhdayushchih podobnye yavleniya. Poskol'ku spontannoe perezhivanie smerti i vozrozhdeniya imeet stol' neposredstvennoe otnoshenie k nashemu obsuzhdeniyu, my privedem v vide primera opisanie proisshestviya, imevshego mesto v zhizni odnogo horosho izvestnogo psihologa. Sobytie, retrospektivno opisyvaemoe im, proizoshlo, kogda emu byl dvadcat' odin god. Ono okazalo moshchnoe i dlitel'noe vozdejstvie na ego lichnuyu zhizn' i professional'nuyu deyatel'nost'. Vse nachalos', kogda ya byl na vecherinke v San-Francisko. ZHenshchina, s kotoroj ya vstretilsya v tot vecher, predlozhila pokatat'sya. Kogda my podŽezzhali k mostu "Zolotye vorota", ona upomyanula o tom, chto my edem na "Mersedese" s ubirayushchimsya verhom. ZHenshchina skazala, chto inogda, peresekaya most, ona ubiraet verh mashiny, otkidyvaetsya na siden'e i smotrit v nebo. Ona uzhe chut' ne pogubila sebya etim. Kogda my podŽehali k mostu, ona ubrala verh i predlozhila mne otkinut'sya nazad na siden'e i smotret' v nebo na zvezdy. YA eshche pomnyu, kak kraem glaza videl trosy, podnimayushchiesya k pervym opornym stojkam mosta. YA smotrel na kazhduyu stoiku; vertikali byli yarko osveshcheny i vyglyadeli zolotymi nityami, podnimayushchimisya k zvezdam. Kogda my podŽehali k pervoj stojke, ya okinul ee vzglyadom, i vnezapno u menya vozniklo oshchushchenie, chto chto-to tyanet menya za lico, rot, vytyagivaya do urovnya stoek mosta. YA oshchutil kak by mgnovennoe rasshirenie vo vse storony. Pomnyu takzhe, chto, priblizivshis' k sleduyushchemu ryadu stoek, ya oshchutil sdavlivanie, slovno chto-to vtyagivalo menya obratno v telo, kak dzhina v butylku. CHuvstvo legkosti i poleta bylo charuyushchim perezhivaniem. Zatem ya osoznal, chto sizhu v mashine i smotryu cherez ubrannuyu kryshu naverh. Kogda my podŽehali ko vtoroj opornoj stojke, ya pochuvstvoval sil'nejshij poryv vesel'ya, legkosti i snova mog kraem glaza videt' trosy, shodyashchiesya ko vtoroj stojke mosta. Menya snova stalo tashchit' naruzhu, i na etot raz vozniklo chetkoe chuvstvo, chto ya dejstvitel'no vytyagivalsya iz tela. YA oshchushchal, kak podnimayus' vse vyshe i vyshe, poka, nakonec, ne smog smotret' s vershiny mosta na dvigavshiesya vnizu podo mnoj mashiny. Mne kazalos', chto dvizhenie vverh vse uskoryaetsya i prodolzhaetsya uzhe za predelami stoek mosta. YA nachal sprashivat' sebya, chto zhe zdes' proishodit, chto ya delayu, chto sluchilos'. YA mgnovenno poluchil otvety, a zatem u menya vozniklo oshchushchenie vse vozrastayushchej ekzal'tacii, rasshireniya vo vse storony i otvetov, prihodyashchih eshche do formulirovaniya voprosov. YA prodolzhal oshchushchat' ekzal'taciyu i rasshirenie do togo miga, kogda pochuvstvoval bezzvuchnyj belyj vzryv, vot ya uzhe rasshiryalsya vo vse storony v vide chego-to, podobnogo myagkomu belomu svetu. YA chuvstvoval, chto dostig beskonechnosti, i znal vse, chto mozhno bylo znat', i na vse voprosy byl otvet. Vot chto ya perezhil. To, chto ya sobirayus' izlozhit' nizhe, bylo pozdnee peredano mne sputnicej. Ona rasskazala: kogda my podŽehali k pervoj opornoj stojke, ya zastonal, i ona oglyanulas'. Kogda podŽehali ko vtoroj, ya neozhidanno vskriknul. Ona skazala, chto bylo krikom ne boli, a ekzal'tacii. Na moem lice bylo zavorozhennoe vyrazhenie, i telo ochen' napryazheno. Drugoj chast'yu perezhivaemogo v tot moment bylo oshchushchenie, chto, prebyvaya v yasnom prostranstve, zapolnennom belym svetom, mne pochudilos' kakoe-to zamedlenie, chto-to vrode kosmicheskogo monotonnogo zvuchaniya. V mashine zhe v tot moment, vidimo, proishodilo sleduyushchee: kogda ya zakrichal, zhenshchina obernulas', sbrosila gaz, i motor stih. Mne pokazalos' togda, chto ya umer. YA byl polnost'yu, absolyutno i sovershenno ubezhden, chto umer, chto eto sluchilos' v mgnoven'e oka, chto proizoshla avtomobil'naya katastrofa, a ya mertv -- ved' vse v moej hristianskoj tradicii utverzhdalo: ty vidish' Boga lish' togda, kogda umer. V tot mig ya oshchushchal i kakim-to obrazom znal, chto nahozhus' v prisutstvii Boga, potomu i prishel k vyvodu, chto ya dolzhen byt' mertv. Neozhidanno v moment mysli o smerti ya sil'no ispugalsya. Pomnyu eto szhimayushchee chuvstvo straha. YA oshchushchal sebya kak by dzhinnom, vsasyvaemym v malyusen'kuyu holodnuyu butylochku. YA pochuvstvoval sebya styagivayushchimsya, poka ne stal tverdym, holodnym, tyazhelym i podobnym mramoru, a zatem obnaruzhil, chto vnov' nahozhus' v tele, ochen' dazhe v tele, oshchushchaya bol' v sustavah, holod i zazhatost'. YA posmotrel na sputnicu, kotoraya sidela za rulem, i, kazalos', mezhdu nami prolegali mili puti. Razmery mashiny kazalis' kolossal'nymi, i zhenshchina prevratilas' v kakuyu-to kamennuyu, seruyu, holodnuyu figuru, ves'ma pohozhuyu na trup. Vse vokrug videlos' neodushevlennym, mertvym i holodnym. V etot moment ya podumal, chto skonchalsya, chto proizoshla ochen' tyazhelaya avtomobil'naya avariya i chto ya rezko pereshel v posmertnoe sostoyanie. YA dumal: chtoby ubedit'sya v svoej smerti, mne prishlos' by ispytat' padenie mashiny s mosta, hrust metalla, kotoryj budet rvat' moyu plot'. Vnezapno osoznav, chto sovershat' vsego etogo v strahe i terzaniyah mne budet ne nuzhno, ya pochuvstvoval, kak vnov' voznoshus' v beloe siyanie, oshchushchaya pokoj i ekstaz. V etot moment, kak skazala pozzhe sputnica, ya nachal rydat', povtoryaya: "Pochemu -- ya?". Ne -- "Pochemu ya umer?", a - "Pochemu mne, pochemu mne dano bylo vse eto perezhit'?". Izuchenie smerti imeet klyuchevoe znachenie dlya osoznaniya psihicheskih processov. Net nikakih somnenii v tom, chto istinnoe ponimanie religii, mistiki, shamanizma, obryadov, perehoda ili mifologii bylo nevozmozhno bez blizkogo znakomstva s perezhivaniem smerti i processom smerti-vozrozhdeniya. |ti svedeniya vazhny dlya uglublennogo ponimaniya prirody dushevnyh rasstrojstv, osobenno shizofrenii. Ignorirovanie perinatal'-nogo i transpersonal'nogo urovnej podsoznaniya neizbezhno privodit k iskusstvennym i iskazhennym predstavleniyam o stroenii chelovecheskogo soznaniya, k fragmentarnomu ponimaniyu haraktera emocional'nyh rasstrojstv, k ogranicheniyu vozmozhnostej lechebnoj praktiki. Ponimanie psihologicheskogo smysla smerti ne dolzhno soprovozhdat'sya negativnymi associaciyami. Ser'eznoe simvolicheskoe soprikosnovenie s nej v horosho organizovannyh i obespechivayushchih podderzhku usloviyah mozhet privesti k ves'ma poleznym rezul'tatam i sluzhit' sredstvom preodoleniya kak negativnyh predstavlenij o konchine, tak i svyazannogo s neyu straha. Takoe soprikosnovenie mozhet privesti k luchshemu emocional'nomu i fizicheskomu funkcionirovaniyu, bol'shej stepeni samorealizacii, a takzhe k bolee udovletvoritel'nomu i garmonichnomu prisposobleniyu k processu zhizni. Smert' i zhizn', obychno rassmatrivaemye kak nesovmestimye protivopolozhnosti, predstavlyayutsya na dele vzaimozavisimymi. Polnocennoe sushchestvovanie, napolnennoe soznaniem kazhdogo miga zhizni, vedet k prinyatiyu smerti i primireniyu s nej. S drugoj storony, podobnyj podhod k chelovecheskomu sushchestvovaniyu trebuet, chtoby my smirilis' s nashej smertnost'yu i brennost'yu bytiya. Dannoe polozhenie predstavlyaetsya sut'yu drevnih misterij, razlichnyh vidov duhovnoj praktiki i ritualov perehoda. Ravvin Gershel' Limon, uchastvovavshij v nashej obuchayushchej psihodelicheskoj programme na osnove LSD, tak vyrazil svoe isklyuchitel'noe proniknovenie v sushchestvo etih dialekticheskih vzaimootnoshenij zhizni i smerti. Vo vremya vyhoda iz LSD-sean-sa, v kotorom on perezhil sokrushitel'noe stolknovenie so smert'yu s posledovavshim chuvstvom duhovnogo vozrozhdeniya, emu vspomnilos' izvestnoe izrechenie, vyskazannoe pyat'sot let nazad Leonardo da Vinchi. 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