erezhivanie smerti i vozrozhdeniya
soprovozhdaetsya perezhivaniem kosmicheskogo edinstva, lyudi obychno nachinayut
vosprinimat' sebya i mir v vide duhovnoj energii, uchastvuyushchej v
bozhestvennoj igre, a obydennuyu real'nost', -- kak svyashchennuyu v svoej osnove.
Podobnye prevrashcheniya obychno yarko vyrazheny v techenie neskol'kih dnej ili
nedel' posle glubokogo i horosho proshedshego LSD-seansa, vklyuchavshego v sebya
opyt smerti-vozrozhdeniya. Izmeneniya, kak pravilo, stol' razitel'ny, chto
vrachi, provodyashchie eti seansy, nazyvayut ih na professional'nom zhargone
"psiho-delicheskij otsvet". Ran'she ili pozzhe oni oslabevayut. Pod vliyaniem
davleniya i trebovanij so storony social'nogo okruzheniya mnogie bolee ili
menee utrachivayut svyaz' so svoimi kosmicheskimi perezhivaniyami. Odnako
obretennoe v rezul'tate postizhenie filosofskih i duhovnyh parametrov
okruzhayushchej nas real'nosti imeet tendenciyu prisutstvovat' neopredelenno
dolgo. Proyavlyaya volyu, mozhno ispol'zovat' glubokie znaniya, poluchennye v itoge
perezhivaniya smerti-vozrozhdeniya, kak rukovodstvo dlya izmeneniya vsej svoej
zhizni. Nekotorye lyudi mogut takim putem sozdat' dlya samih sebya polozhenie,
pri kotorom dlya nih potencial'no dostupny, chashche vsego ne tol'ko prozreniya,
svyazannye so znaniem, no i novye duhovnye oshchushcheniya.
Bylo by opasnym sverhuproshcheniem predstavlyat' process smerti-vozrozhdeniya
lish' s odnoj storony, delaya akcent na ego potencial'noj pol'ze i nichego ne
govorya o ser'eznyh opasnostyah, sushchestvuyushchih v dannoj oblasti. Seansy LSD, v
kotoryh aktivizirovan perinatal'nyj material, ne tol'ko sposobstvuyut
glubokim pozitivnym izmeneniyam, no i yavlyayutsya potencial'nym istochnikom
naibolee chastyh zatrudnenij, proishodyashchih v hode LSD-procedury. Ploho
proshedshie seansy, soderzhavshie perina-tal'nye komponenty, mogut privesti k
glubokim zatormozhennym i azhitirovannym depressiyam s suicidal'nymi
tendenciyami, razrushitel'nym i samorazrushitel'nym pobuzhdeniyam,
paranoidal'-nym sostoyaniyam ili pretencioznym i messianskim proyavleniyam.
Nameki na nekotorye iz etih opasnostej chasto obnaruzhivayutsya v svyazi s
proishodyashchim v ramkah razlichnyh obryadov perehoda processom transformacii.
Soglasno misticheskoj literature, ustnoj tradicii korennyh kul'tur,
razlichnogo roda mifologicheskim opisaniyam, bespechnomu i neopytnomu iskatelyu
ili duhovnomu avantyuristu, grozit opasnost' fizicheskih boleznej, bezumiya i
dazhe smerti. Nadlezhashchie prigotovleniya, podderzhka i
rukovodstvo absolyutno neobhodimy dlya vstupayushchego v eti oblasti
chelovecheskogo soznaniya*.
U dushevnobol'nyh lechebnoe dejstvie, vyzyvaemoe opytom smerti i
vozrozhdeniya nastol'ko vazhno, chto my ostanovimsya na etoj teme podrobnee.
Vidimo, v perinatal'nyh matricah korenyatsya glubinnye istoki samyh yavnyh
storon mnogih psihopatologicheskih sindromov. Takie klyuchevye simptomy, kak
trevoga, agressivnost', podavlennost', napryazhennost', chuvstvo viny, naryadu s
oshchushcheniyami tipa chuvstva bespomoshchnosti i nepolnocennosti, sudya" po vsemu,
soderzhatsya v perezhivaniyah perinatal'nogo urovnya. Analogichno, chasto mozhno
prosledit' ozabochennost' razlichnymi fiziologicheskimi funkciyami ili
biologicheskimi substratami, ipohondricheskie perezhivaniya i shirokij krug
psihosomaticheskoj simptomatiki vplot' do komponentov, vhodyashchih v process
smerti-vozrozhdeniya. |to verno v otnoshenii obychnyh golovnyh bolej i migrenej,
nevroticheskogo oshchushcheniya nehvatki kisloroda i udush'ya, narushenij serdechnoj
deyatel'nosti, toshnoty i rvoty, razlichnyh vidov dvigatel'nyh narushenij i
myshechnoj napryazhennosti, bolej i tremora.
Dovol'no chasto v hode psiholiticheskoj terapii s ispol'zovaniem LSD
sluchalos', chto pacienty vyhodili za predely psihodinamicheskogo urovnya,
odnako ne razreshali mnogie iz svoih psihopatologicheskih simptomov do teh
por, poka ne prorabatyvali material, svyazannyj s perinatal'nymi matricami.
CHtoby dostich' dlitel'nogo razresheniya, a ne vremennoj remissii klaustrofobii
ili zatormozhennoj depressii, predstavlyalos' neobhodimym projti cherez matricu
"otsutstviya vyhoda". CHasto ostrye suicidal'nye ustremleniya polnost'yu
ischezali posle togo, kak pacienty prorabatyvali i usvaivali perinatal'nyj
material. Neskol'ko chelovek, proshedshih skvoz' process smerti-vozrozhdeniya,
nezavisimo drug ot druga zayavili, chto ih bylye suicidal'nye naklonnosti na
dele byli neponyatnym stremleniem k
_______________________
* Poleznye, a takzhe otricatel'nye storony dejstviya LSD-seansov,
vklyuchayushchih v sebya aktivizirovanie perinatal'nyh matric, byli podrobno
opisany Stanislavom Grofom v knige "Oblasti chelovecheskogo bessoznatel'nogo".
Prakticheskoe rukovodstvo s cel'yu dobit'sya maksimuma pol'zy i svesti k
minimumu risk, skrytyj v psihodelicheskom processe perezhivaniya
smerti-vozrozhdeniya, v obshchih chertah budut izlozheny v sleduyushchej knige.
preodoleniyu ego. Poskol'ku v to vremya takoe ponimanie u nih
otsutstvovalo, oni izbrali v obŽektivnoj real'nosti situaciyu ves'ma shozhuyu
so smert'yu ego, a imenno: fizicheskoe samounichtozhenie. Perezhivanie
psihologicheskoj smerti i vozrozhdeniya obychno unichtozhaet ili rezko oslablyaet
suicidal'nye pobuzhdeniya i mysli. Moshchnye agressivnye i samorazrushitel'nye
pozyvy byli snyaty v hode mnogih dramaticheskih epizodov perezhivaniya processa
smerti-vozrozhdeniya. Krome togo, posle smerti ego, chelovecheskoe sushchestvovanie
chasto vosprinimaetsya na bolee shirokom fone. Kakimi by slozhnymi ni kazalis',
s obŽektivnoj tochki zreniya, zhiznennaya situaciya i sozdavshiesya obstoyatel'stva,
samoubijstvo bol'she ne predstavlyaetsya resheniem problemy.
V nashej rabote s alkogolikami i narkomanami, upotreblyavshimi geroin,
nablyudaemaya kartina pohodila na to, chto proishodilo u lic s suicidal'nymi
naklonnostyami. Lezhashchie v osnove etih sostoyanij pobuditel'nye prichiny,
podobny, i s opredelennoj tochki zreniya, alkogolizm i narkomaniya yavlyayutsya
formami zamedlennogo samoubijstva.
U teh, kto prinimal LSD i perezhil glubokoe chuvstvo kosmicheskogo
edinstva, zachastuyu razvivalos' negativnoe otnoshenie k sostoyaniyam soznaniya,
vyzyvaemogo op'yaneniem ili narkotikami. V hode issledovaniya "Spring Grouv",
v kotorom chislo LSD-sean-sov bylo ogranichennym, sredi alkogolikov i
narkomanov, prinimavshih geroin, chetko proyavilas' tendenciya k othodu ot svoej
privychki v rezul'tate odnogo seansa, provodimogo s primeneniem vysokoj dozy
preparata. V bolee svobodnyh lechebnyh usloviyah, sushchestvovavshih v Prazhskom
nauchno-issledovatel'skom institute psihiatrii, gde bylo vozmozhno provedenie
serij LSD-sean-sov, polnaya prorabotka perinatal'nogo materiala v neskol'kih
sluchayah privodila k ustojchivomu vozderzhaniyu i glubokoj perestrojke lichnosti
u alkogolikov i narkomanov.
Prozreniya etih pacientov, kasavshiesya prirody ih privychek, podobny
prozreniyam, imevshim mesto u lic s suicidal'nymi naklonnostyami. Perezhiv v
hode seansov chuvstvo kosmicheskogo edinstva, oni osoznali, chto to, k chemu oni
stremilis', bylo transcendentnost'yu, a ne narkoticheskim durmanom. Oni
uvideli opredelennoe iskusstvennoe shodstvo i vzaimoperesechenie
odurmanivaniya, vyzyvaemogo alkogolem ili geroinom, s oshchushcheniem edinstva,
aktivizirovannym LSD, i nachinali ponimat', chto ih stremlenie k vinu i
narkotikam osnovyvalos' na smeshenii etih dvuh
sostoyanij. Komponenty, vidimo, obshchie dlya etih dvuh sostoyanij, --
umen'shenie ili ischeznovenie razlichnyh boleznennyh emocij i oshchushchenij,
ravnodushie k proshlomu i budushchemu i neraschlenennoe sostoyanie soznaniya.
Odnako, s drugoj storony, mnogie sushchestvennye harakteristiki sostoyaniya
edinstva ne yavlyayutsya chast'yu perezhivanij, vyzyvaemyh alkogolem ili
narkotikami. Vmesto sostoyaniya kosmicheskogo soznaniya vo vsej ego
beskonechnosti narkotiki i alkogol' sozdayut karikaturu, dostatochno pohozhuyu,
chtoby obmanut' i sklonit' k ih regulyarnomu zloupotrebleniyu vkusivshih ih.
Povtoryayushchijsya priem privodit k biologicheskoj privyazannosti k preparatu i
nanosit upotreblyayushchemu ego fizicheskij, emocional'nyj i social'nyj ushcherb.
Posle opyta smerti eto zloupotreblenie alkogolem ili narkotikami, a
takzhe suicidal'nye tendencii vosprinimayutsya kak tragicheskaya oshibka,
yavlyayushchayasya sledstviem neuznannoj, nepravil'no istolkovannoj duhovnoj tyagi k
transcendentnosti. Nalichie sil'nyh chuvstv podobnogo roda, skol' neveroyatnym
eto ne pokazalos' by znakomym so stilem zhizni i povedeniya narkomanov i
alkogolikov, mozhet byt' proillyustrirovano statisticheskimi dannymi,
poluchennymi vo vremya psihodelicheskoj terapii. V hode provodimyh v klinike
"Spring Grouv" issledovanij alkogoliki i narkomany pokazali samyj vysokij
procent misticheskih perezhivanij iz vseh izuchavshihsya grupp, vklyuchaya
nevrotikov, specialistov po psihogigiene i umirayushchih.
Simvolicheskaya vstrecha so smert'yu takzhe okazyvaet znachitel'noe
vozdejstvie na agressivnost' i sadomazohizm. Aktivizaciya razrushitel'nogo
potenciala lichnosti yavlyaetsya odnim iz vazhnejshih aspektov bor'by smerti i
vozrozhdeniya. Sceny nasiliya i massovogo unichtozheniya, naryadu s obrazami
sadomazohist-skih orgij, yavlyayutsya postoyannymi elementami perinatal'nyh
razvertok. V nih sobiraetsya i razryazhaetsya ogromnoe kolichestvo razrushitel'noj
energii, i v rezul'tate rezko snizhayutsya agressivnye chuvstva i pobuzhdeniya.
Perezhivanie zhe vozrozhdeniya, kak pravilo, soprovozhdaetsya lyubov'yu,
sostradaniem i uvazheniem k zhizni.
Proyavleniya ostryh psihoticheskih sostoyanij chasto napominayut perezhivaniya
v hode razlichnyh transformiruyushchih sobytij ritual'nogo haraktera, kotorye my
uzhe opisyvali vyshe. Mnogie shizofreniki prohodyat cherez surovye ispytaniya,
vklyuchayushchie v sebya krajnie stepeni fizicheskih i mental'nyh stradanij, glubokoe soznanie absurdnosti bytiya, mnogochislennye kartiny smerti,
unichtozheniya mira i dazhe kosmicheskih katastrof. Adskie pytki i stolknoveniya s
demonami inogda smenyayutsya perezhivaniyami vozrozhdeniya i vossozdaniya mira:
Analogichno, razrushitel'nye i samorazrushitel'nye pobuzhdeniya, ozabochennost'
biologicheskimi substratami i skatologicheskie interesy naryadu s koncentraciej
na triade smert'-rozhdenie-seks -- ves'ma chastye yavleniya u etih lyudej.
Vidimo, vazhnoj sostavnoj chast'yu shizofrenicheskogo processa yavlyaetsya
aktivizaciya perinatal'nogo urovnya podsoznaniya vnutrennimi i vneshnimi
faktorami neizvestnogo haraktera. V to vremya kak v hode ritualov i v ramkah
psi-hodelicheskoj terapii glubinnoe soderzhanie podsoznaniya namerenno
aktiviziruetsya s duhovnymi ili lechebnymi celyami v organizovannom i
zashchishchennom okruzhenii, u bol'nyh shizofreniej vse eto proishodit stihijno,
chashche vsego prinosya im vred. Novoe ponimanie processa shizofrenii nedavno
privelo k terapevticheskim usiliyam, nacelennym na provedenie etih lyudej cherez
ih perezhivaniya do konechnoj, obŽedinyayushchej chastnye proyavleniya stadii, vmesto
togo, chtoby podavlyat' i pytat'sya derzhat' pod kontrolem psihoticheskuyu
simptomatiku*.
Material, poluchennyj v hode klinicheskih issledovanij psihodelikov,
antropologicheskie i istoricheskie dannye, kasayushchiesya obryadov perehoda, a
takzhe izuchenie protekaniya shizofrenii dokazyvayut vazhnost' smerti dlya
chelovecheskoj psihologii i psihopatologii. Prichina psihologicheskogo znacheniya
problemy smerti kroetsya ne v osoznanii intellektom fakta brennosti i znanii
o neizbezhnosti konchiny, a v sushchestvovanii znachimyh hranilishch perezhivanij
smerti v nashem podsoznanii. Kak subŽ-ektivnoe, tak i obŽektivnoe
issledovanie dannyh oblastej oslozhnyaetsya tem, chto pri normal'nyh usloviyah
perinatal'nye
_________________
* Zainteresovannyj chitatel' najdet dopolnitel'nuyu informaciyu o
parallelyah, sushchestvuyushchih mezhdu shizofreniej i processom posvyashcheniya, a takzhe o
novyh podhodah k etomu zabolevaniyu v knigah i stat'yah R.-D. Lejnga, Dzhona
Perri, Morisa Rappoporta i Dzhuliana Silvermena. Primenenie opyta,
poluchennogo v hode issledovanij LSD, dlya ponimaniya shizofrenii, naryadu s
opisaniem nekotoryh pervonachal'nyh eksperimentov po provedeniyu
psihodelicheskoj terapii pacientov, nahodyashchihsya v psihoticheskom sostoyanii,
budut podvergnuty obsuzhdeniyu v budushchej knige.
energii ograzhdeny krepkimi bar'erami, ohranyayushchimi ego ot ih pryamogo
vozdejstviya.
Lico, ispytavshee smert' i vozrozhdenie v hode seansa, retrospektivno
ponimaet, chto soznanie smerti postoyanno sushchestvovalo v nem v techenie vsej
predydushchej zhizni v smyagchennoj forme ili zhe v forme mnogih ee proizvodnyh.
Pri normal'nyh obstoyatel'stvah podsoznatel'naya uverennost' v smerti nezrimo
prisutstvuet vo vsevozmozhnyh chelovecheskih otnosheniyah i povedenii. Kogda zhe
sistema bar'erov, obychno ograzhdayushchaya ego ot perina-tal'nogo urovnya, nachinaet
raspadat'sya ili chastichno narushaetsya, eti komponenty pronikayut v soznanie i
probuzhdayut razlichnye nevroticheskie i psihosomaticheskie reakcii. Polnyj
razval ograditel'noj sistemy proyavlyaetsya v psihoticheskih epizodah, v hode
kotoryh soderzhanie perinatal'nyh matric celikom pogloshchaet ego i stanovitsya
dlya individa empiricheskim mirom.
Odnim iz naibolee rasprostranennyh sposobov zashchity sebya ot boleznennogo
vozdejstviya perinatal'nyh komponentov yavlyaetsya to, chto lica, prinimavshie
LSD, oboznachayut kak "mehanisticheskij" podhod k sushchestvovaniyu. Prozhivayushchie
zhizn' podobnym obrazom, ispytyvayut glubokoe chuvstvo nedovol'stva soboj i
situaciej, v kotoroj nahodyatsya, v rezul'tate osnovnaya chast' ih razmyshlenij
napravlena na proshloe i budushchee. Oni postoyanno perezhevyvayut proshloe, sozhaleya
o prinyatyh kogda-to resheniyah, mechtaya o tom, chto moglo by byt', postupi oni
luchshim obrazom, libo podvergaya svoi dejstviya moral'noj ocenke. Ih
neudovletvorennost' nastoyashchim privodit k vozniknoveniyu kompensatornyh
fantazij, v kotoryh osushchestvlyaetsya zhelaemoe ili oni stroyat preuvelichennye
plany, kasayushchiesya budushchih uspehov. Vne zavisimosti ot dostizheniya togo, chto
dolzhno bylo prinesti udovletvorenie, ispytyvaemaya imi gorech' i oshchushchenie
neispolneniya zhelaemogo ostayutsya i trebuyut razrabotki novyh chestolyubivyh
celej i planov. Takaya postoyannaya orientaciya na budushchie dostizheniya nazvana
filosofami-ekzistencialistami "avtoproecirovaniem". Podobnyj cikl nikogda ne
zavershaetsya i lish' uvekovechivaet neudovletvorenie, ibo lyudi, podpadayushchie pod
etu kategoriyu, neverno ponimayut prirodu svoih potrebnostej i koncentriruyutsya
na vneshnih zamenitelyah, bud' to den'gi, polozhenie, slava ili seksual'nye
dostizheniya. Mozhno vsyu zhizn' provesti podobnym obrazom, stremyas' k razlichnym
vidam deyatel'nosti, kotorye, odnako, po zavershenii nikogda ne prinosyat
ozhidaemogo
udovletvoreniya. Zachastuyu takaya situaciya soprovozhdaetsya oshchushcheniem
bessmyslennosti bytiya i nesposobnosti naslazhdat'sya plodami svoego truda.
CHelovek, popavshij v porochnyj krug podobnogo roda, kak pravilo, stradaet ot
ostrogo soznaniya kratkosti chelovecheskoj zhizni v svete vsego, chto mozhno bylo
by ispytat' i sledovalo by sdelat'.
Tot, kto proshel skvoz' psihologicheskuyu smert' i vozrozhdenie, ponimaet,
chto pozitivnoe otnoshenie k zhizni i glubokoe oshchushchenie smysla svoego
sushchestvovaniya ne zavisyat ot slozhnyh vneshnih obstoyatel'stv. Oni predstavlyayut
soboj iznachal'noe sostoyanie organizma i sposob prebyvat' v mire, ne
zavisyashchij, za isklyucheniem nekotoryh krajnih sluchaev, ot material'nyh
obstoyatel'stv zhizni. Kogda prisutstvuet eto fundamental'noe prinyatie zhizni,
to dazhe samye skromnye usloviya sushchestvovaniya mogut vosprinimat'sya kak
stoyashchie. Kogda zhe ego net, nikakie uspehi vo vneshnem mire ne mogut darovat'
ego. Ono voznikaet v hode glubokogo samoissledovaniya i vnutrennej
transformacii.
Hotya proyavlenie fenomena smerti-vozrozhdeniya veroyatnee vsego v
special'no splanirovannyh i organizovannyh strukturah, tipa obryadov perehoda
ili psihodelicheskoj terapii, glubokie perezhivaniya etogo fenomena poroj mogut
proishodit' spontanno libo vsledstvie trivial'nyh sobytij povsednevnosti.
To, chto glubokie epizody smerti-vozrozhdeniya sposobny imet' mesto vne ramok
ih special'nogo programmirovaniya i bez primeneniya moshchnoj tehniki, nacelennoj
na smenu urovnya soznaniya, ukazyvaet v gorazdo bol'shej stepeni, nezheli nashi
sobstvennye nablyudeniya, na sushchestvovanie matric v chelovecheskom podsoznanii,
porozhdayushchih podobnye yavleniya. Poskol'ku spontannoe perezhivanie smerti i
vozrozhdeniya imeet stol' neposredstvennoe otnoshenie k nashemu obsuzhdeniyu, my
privedem v vide primera opisanie proisshestviya, imevshego mesto v zhizni odnogo
horosho izvestnogo psihologa. Sobytie, retrospektivno opisyvaemoe im,
proizoshlo, kogda emu byl dvadcat' odin god. Ono okazalo moshchnoe i dlitel'noe
vozdejstvie na ego lichnuyu zhizn' i professional'nuyu deyatel'nost'.
Vse nachalos', kogda ya byl na vecherinke v San-Francisko. ZHenshchina, s
kotoroj ya vstretilsya v tot vecher, predlozhila pokatat'sya. Kogda my podŽezzhali
k mostu "Zolotye vorota", ona upomyanula o tom, chto my edem na "Mersedese" s
ubirayushchimsya verhom. ZHenshchina skazala, chto inogda, peresekaya most, ona ubiraet
verh mashiny, otkidyvaetsya na
siden'e i smotrit v nebo. Ona uzhe chut' ne pogubila sebya etim. Kogda my
podŽehali k mostu, ona ubrala verh i predlozhila mne otkinut'sya nazad na
siden'e i smotret' v nebo na zvezdy. YA eshche pomnyu, kak kraem glaza videl
trosy, podnimayushchiesya k pervym opornym stojkam mosta. YA smotrel na kazhduyu
stoiku; vertikali byli yarko osveshcheny i vyglyadeli zolotymi nityami,
podnimayushchimisya k zvezdam. Kogda my podŽehali k pervoj stojke, ya okinul ee
vzglyadom, i vnezapno u menya vozniklo oshchushchenie, chto chto-to tyanet menya za
lico, rot, vytyagivaya do urovnya stoek mosta. YA oshchutil kak by mgnovennoe
rasshirenie vo vse storony. Pomnyu takzhe, chto, priblizivshis' k sleduyushchemu ryadu
stoek, ya oshchutil sdavlivanie, slovno chto-to vtyagivalo menya obratno v telo,
kak dzhina v butylku. CHuvstvo legkosti i poleta bylo charuyushchim perezhivaniem.
Zatem ya osoznal, chto sizhu v mashine i smotryu cherez ubrannuyu kryshu naverh.
Kogda my podŽehali ko vtoroj opornoj stojke, ya pochuvstvoval sil'nejshij poryv
vesel'ya, legkosti i snova mog kraem glaza videt' trosy, shodyashchiesya ko vtoroj
stojke mosta. Menya snova stalo tashchit' naruzhu, i na etot raz vozniklo chetkoe
chuvstvo, chto ya dejstvitel'no vytyagivalsya iz tela. YA oshchushchal, kak podnimayus'
vse vyshe i vyshe, poka, nakonec, ne smog smotret' s vershiny mosta na
dvigavshiesya vnizu podo mnoj mashiny. Mne kazalos', chto dvizhenie vverh vse
uskoryaetsya i prodolzhaetsya uzhe za predelami stoek mosta. YA nachal sprashivat'
sebya, chto zhe zdes' proishodit, chto ya delayu, chto sluchilos'. YA mgnovenno
poluchil otvety, a zatem u menya vozniklo oshchushchenie vse vozrastayushchej
ekzal'tacii, rasshireniya vo vse storony i otvetov, prihodyashchih eshche do
formulirovaniya voprosov. YA prodolzhal oshchushchat' ekzal'taciyu i rasshirenie do
togo miga, kogda pochuvstvoval bezzvuchnyj belyj vzryv, vot ya uzhe rasshiryalsya
vo vse storony v vide chego-to, podobnogo myagkomu belomu svetu. YA chuvstvoval,
chto dostig beskonechnosti, i znal vse, chto mozhno bylo znat', i na vse voprosy
byl otvet.
Vot chto ya perezhil. To, chto ya sobirayus' izlozhit' nizhe, bylo pozdnee
peredano mne sputnicej. Ona rasskazala: kogda my podŽehali k pervoj opornoj
stojke, ya zastonal, i ona oglyanulas'. Kogda podŽehali ko vtoroj, ya
neozhidanno vskriknul. Ona skazala, chto bylo krikom ne boli, a ekzal'tacii.
Na moem lice bylo zavorozhennoe vyrazhenie, i telo ochen' napryazheno. Drugoj
chast'yu perezhivaemogo v tot moment bylo oshchushchenie, chto, prebyvaya v yasnom
prostranstve, zapolnennom belym svetom, mne pochudilos' kakoe-to zamedlenie,
chto-to vrode kosmicheskogo monotonnogo zvuchaniya. V mashine zhe v tot moment,
vidimo, proishodilo sleduyushchee: kogda ya zakrichal, zhenshchina obernulas',
sbrosila gaz, i motor stih. Mne pokazalos' togda, chto ya umer. YA byl
polnost'yu, absolyutno i sovershenno ubezhden, chto umer, chto eto sluchilos' v
mgnoven'e oka, chto proizoshla avtomobil'naya katastrofa, a ya mertv -- ved' vse
v moej hristianskoj tradicii utverzhdalo: ty vidish' Boga lish' togda, kogda
umer. V tot mig ya oshchushchal i kakim-to obrazom znal, chto nahozhus' v prisutstvii
Boga, potomu i prishel k vyvodu, chto ya dolzhen byt' mertv.
Neozhidanno v moment mysli o smerti ya sil'no ispugalsya. Pomnyu eto
szhimayushchee chuvstvo straha. YA oshchushchal sebya kak by dzhinnom, vsasyvaemym v
malyusen'kuyu holodnuyu butylochku. YA pochuvstvoval sebya
styagivayushchimsya, poka ne stal tverdym, holodnym, tyazhelym i podobnym
mramoru, a zatem obnaruzhil, chto vnov' nahozhus' v tele, ochen' dazhe v tele,
oshchushchaya bol' v sustavah, holod i zazhatost'. YA posmotrel na sputnicu, kotoraya
sidela za rulem, i, kazalos', mezhdu nami prolegali mili puti. Razmery mashiny
kazalis' kolossal'nymi, i zhenshchina prevratilas' v kakuyu-to kamennuyu, seruyu,
holodnuyu figuru, ves'ma pohozhuyu na trup. Vse vokrug videlos' neodushevlennym,
mertvym i holodnym. V etot moment ya podumal, chto skonchalsya, chto proizoshla
ochen' tyazhelaya avtomobil'naya avariya i chto ya rezko pereshel v posmertnoe
sostoyanie. YA dumal: chtoby ubedit'sya v svoej smerti, mne prishlos' by ispytat'
padenie mashiny s mosta, hrust metalla, kotoryj budet rvat' moyu plot'.
Vnezapno osoznav, chto sovershat' vsego etogo v strahe i terzaniyah mne budet
ne nuzhno, ya pochuvstvoval, kak vnov' voznoshus' v beloe siyanie, oshchushchaya pokoj i
ekstaz. V etot moment, kak skazala pozzhe sputnica, ya nachal rydat', povtoryaya:
"Pochemu -- ya?". Ne -- "Pochemu ya umer?", a - "Pochemu mne, pochemu mne dano
bylo vse eto perezhit'?".
Izuchenie smerti imeet klyuchevoe znachenie dlya osoznaniya psihicheskih
processov. Net nikakih somnenii v tom, chto istinnoe ponimanie religii,
mistiki, shamanizma, obryadov, perehoda ili mifologii bylo nevozmozhno bez
blizkogo znakomstva s perezhivaniem smerti i processom smerti-vozrozhdeniya.
|ti svedeniya vazhny dlya uglublennogo ponimaniya prirody dushevnyh rasstrojstv,
osobenno shizofrenii. Ignorirovanie perinatal'-nogo i transpersonal'nogo
urovnej podsoznaniya neizbezhno privodit k iskusstvennym i iskazhennym
predstavleniyam o stroenii chelovecheskogo soznaniya, k fragmentarnomu ponimaniyu
haraktera emocional'nyh rasstrojstv, k ogranicheniyu vozmozhnostej lechebnoj
praktiki.
Ponimanie psihologicheskogo smysla smerti ne dolzhno soprovozhdat'sya
negativnymi associaciyami. Ser'eznoe simvolicheskoe soprikosnovenie s nej v
horosho organizovannyh i obespechivayushchih podderzhku usloviyah mozhet privesti k
ves'ma poleznym rezul'tatam i sluzhit' sredstvom preodoleniya kak negativnyh
predstavlenij o konchine, tak i svyazannogo s neyu straha. Takoe
soprikosnovenie mozhet privesti k luchshemu emocional'nomu i fizicheskomu
funkcionirovaniyu, bol'shej stepeni samorealizacii, a takzhe k bolee
udovletvoritel'nomu i garmonichnomu prisposobleniyu k processu zhizni.
Smert' i zhizn', obychno rassmatrivaemye kak nesovmestimye
protivopolozhnosti, predstavlyayutsya na dele vzaimozavisimymi. Polnocennoe
sushchestvovanie, napolnennoe soznaniem kazhdogo miga zhizni, vedet k prinyatiyu
smerti i primireniyu s
nej. S drugoj storony, podobnyj podhod k chelovecheskomu sushchestvovaniyu
trebuet, chtoby my smirilis' s nashej smertnost'yu i brennost'yu bytiya. Dannoe
polozhenie predstavlyaetsya sut'yu drevnih misterij, razlichnyh vidov duhovnoj
praktiki i ritualov perehoda.
Ravvin Gershel' Limon, uchastvovavshij v nashej obuchayushchej psihodelicheskoj
programme na osnove LSD, tak vyrazil svoe isklyuchitel'noe proniknovenie v
sushchestvo etih dialekticheskih vzaimootnoshenij zhizni i smerti. Vo vremya vyhoda
iz LSD-sean-sa, v kotorom on perezhil sokrushitel'noe stolknovenie so smert'yu
s posledovavshim chuvstvom duhovnogo vozrozhdeniya, emu vspomnilos' izvestnoe
izrechenie, vyskazannoe pyat'sot let nazad Leonardo da Vinchi. V chas
nastupleniya konchiny Leonardo podvel itog svoemu otnosheniyu k toj bogatoj i
plodotvornoj zhizni, kotoruyu on prozhil, skazav: "YA dumal, chto ya zhivu, no ya
tol'ko gotovilsya umeret'". Rabbi Limon, opisyvaya perezhituyu im vo vremya
LSD-seansa bor'bu smerti i vozrozhdeniya, tak perefraziroval slova Leonardo:
"YA dumal, chto ya umirayu, no ya tol'ko gotovilsya zhit'".
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Stanislav Grof
Dzhoan Helifaks
CHELOVEK PERED LICOM SMERTI
Seriya "TEKSTY Transpersonal'noj Psihologii"
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