Charlemagne. Yes, isn't that awful? Those stupid guards wouldn't even let me to my own daughter. They say dragon doesn't allow anyone near Elsa. 1^[st] Townsman. Nothing wrong with that. I can sympathize with their point of view. Charlemagne. Elsa is there all alone. Even though she would wave at me cheerfully in the window, I still think she only did that to calm me down. I just can't find a place for myself! 2^[nd] Townsman. Can't find a place? Have you been relieved of your archivist position, then? Charlemagne. No. 2^[nd] Townsman. So, which place are you talking about? Charlemagne. Don't you understand? 1^[st] Townsman. No. Ever since you made friends with that outsider, we speak different languages. Battle noises, sounds of sword striking. Boy. (pointing at the sky) Mommy, mommy! He just flipped upside down! Somebody is beating him so that sparks are flying! Everybody. Shhh! Trumpets. Enter Heinrich and Burgomaster. Burgomaster. Listen here. In order to avoid an eye disease epidemic, and strictly because of that, it is hereby forbidden to look at the sky. You will learn of everything that is happening up there from communiquÊs that sir dragon's personal secretary is going to be issuing from time to time as needed. 1^[st] Townsman. Right move. 2^[nd] townsman. About time. Boy. Mommy, why is it harmful to look at him being beaten up? Everybody. Shhh! Elsa's 1^[st] girlfriend. This war has been going on for 10 whole minutes! Why wouldn't this Lancelot just surrender? Elsa's 2^[nd] girlfriend. He knows full well it is impossible to defeat the dragon. Elsa's 3^[rd] girlfriend. He is just torturing us on purpose. Elsa's 1^[st] girlfriend. I left my gloves at Elsa's place. But I don't even care anymore. I am so tired of this war; I don't care about anything. Elsa's 2^[nd] girlfriend. Me too. I have become completely insensible. Elsa promised to give me her new shoes as a present, but I don't even remember that. Elsa's 3^[rd] girlfriend. Just think about it! If not for that stranger, Dragon would have already taken Elsa to his cave. We could have been sitting comfortably at home crying right now. Peddler. (whispering smartly) Can I interest you in a fascinating scientific instrument, a so called mirror? You look down, but you see the sky. For a small fee, the dragon is at your feet. Everybody laughs softly. 1^[st] Townsman. Outrageous! Ha-ha-ha! 2^[nd] Townsman. Dragon at your feet! That'll be the day! They buy mirrors. Everybody groups around the mirrors. The sound of battle grows even more fierce. 1^[st] Townswoman. This is terrible! 2^[nd] Townswoman. Poor dragon! 1^[st] Townswoman. He is not breathing fire anymore. 2^[nd] Townswoman. He is just blowing smoke. 1^[st] Townsman. Such elaborate maneuvers. 2^[nd] Townsman. It looks like... No, I am not saying anything. 1^[st] Townsman. I don't understand it. Heinrich. This is the communiquÊ from the town council. The battle is drawing close to completion. The adversary had lost his sword. His spear is broken. Flying carpet is infested with moths, who are destroying the enemy air power at an astonishing rate. Having lost communication with his ground bases, the challenger is not able to procure mothballs and is therefore reduced to hunting the moths by clapping his hands, which robs him of necessary maneuverability. Sir dragon has not wiped the enemy out only due to his innate love of war. He has not satisfied his thirst for heroic feats yet, nor has he sufficiently admired his own military prowess. 1^[st] Townsman. Now I understand. Boy. Look, mommy, look, honestly, someone is kicking his neck. 1^[st] Townsman. He has three necks, boy. Boy. You see, you see, now someone is riding his three necks. 1^[st] Townsman. This must be an optical illusion. Boy. That's what I'm saying. I have been in fights myself, I know when somebody is getting clobbered. Ow! What's that? 1^[st] Townsman. Take the kid away from here. 2^[nd] Townsman. My eyes, I don't believe my own eyes! Is there an optometrist in the house? 1^[st] Townsman. It is going to fall right here. I can't stand it! Get away! Let me see it!.. Dragon's head comes crashing down onto the square. Burgomaster. CommuniquÊ! My kingdom for a communiquÊ! Heinrich. This is the communiquÊ from the town council. Lancelot is now powerless, he had lost everything and had been partially taken prisoner. Boy. How is it - partially? Heinrich. Just like that. It's classified. Other parts of him continue to offer uncoordinated resistance. Incidentally, sir dragon had placed one of his heads on waivers due to medical condition. It is listed as day-to-day. Boy. I still don't get it. 1^[st] Townsman. What's there to get? Ever lost a tooth? Boy. Yeah. 1^[st] Townsman. See, and you're still alive. Boy. But I never lost a head. 1^[st] Townsman. Same thing! Heinrich. Review of the current events. The topic today: why two is in fact better than three. Two heads are attached to two necks. That gives us four, right? And attached they are unimpeachably... Dragon's second head comes crashing down onto the square. We interrupt this review due to technical difficulties. Here is a communiquÊ. The military campaign is proceeding according to the plans developed by sir dragon. Boy. That's it? Heinrich. That's it for the moment. 1^[st] Townsman. I have lost two thirds of my respect towards sir dragon. Mr. Charlemagne! My dear friend! Why are you standing over there all alone? 2^[nd] Townsman. Join us, come join us. 1^[st] Townsman. Is it true the guards would not let you to your own daughter? That's outrageous! 2^[nd] Townsman. Why are you silent? 1^[st] Townsman. You couldn't be angry with us, could you? Charlemagne. No, but I am confused. At first you wouldn't recognize me quite sincerely. I know you. And now you are happy to see me just as sincerely. Gardener. There, there, Mr. Charlemagne. Don't let yourself be concerned with this. It is too horrible. It is just horrible how much time I've wasted running around kissing the paw of this one-headed monster. I could have grown so many flowers instead! Heinrich. We now return to our review. Gardener. Leave me alone! I'm sick of you all! Heinrich. So what if you are! This is wartime. We all have to make sacrifices. Let's begin. One god, one sun, one moon, one head on our sovereign's shoulders. To have only one head - this is so human, so humane, so humanistic in the best sense of the word. Besides, this is extremely convenient from the military point of view. It considerably contracts the front line. It is three times easier to defend one head than it is to defend three of them. Dragon's third head comes crashing down onto the square. The stage erupts in shouts. Now everybody is speaking very loudly. 1^[st] Townsman. Down with dragon! 2^[nd] Townsman. We were misled ever since childhood! 1^[st] Townswoman. What a joy! No one to report to! 2^[nd] Townswoman. It's like I'm drunk or something. Honest! Boy. Mommy, I guess we're not going to have school tomorrow! Yay! Peddler. How about this toy? Sir Potatohead! Take a swing - and he's out cold! Gardener. That is so funny! What? Dragon as a root vegetable? Sitting in the ground! In the garden! All the time! No way out! Yay! Everybody. Yay! Down with him! Sir Potatohead! Stick it to them! Heinrich. Please listen to the communiquÊ! Everybody. No we won't! We shout as we wish! We bark as we like! Happy, happy! Get them! Burgomaster. Gua-ards! Guards run out onto the square. (to Heinrich) You may speak now. Start softly, then hit them. Atten-tion! Everybody quiets down. Heinrich. (very softly) We would like to humbly ask you to listen to our communiquÊ. There is really, really-really nothing of any interest that happened at the front recently. Everything is quite all right, it's just fine. We are going to have just a teensy weensy martial law now. And spreading of teensy weensy rumors (menacingly) is going to be punished by chopping heads in lieu of monetary compensation. Understood? Now everybody go home! Guards, clear the area! The square is emptied of people. So, how did you like the show? Burgomaster. Be quiet, sonny. Heinrich. Why are you smiling? Burgomaster. Be quiet, sonny. Heavy thud that makes the earth shake. Dragon's body crashed down behind the mill. Dragon's 1^[st] head. Boy! Heinrich. Why are you wringing your hands, daddy? Burgomaster. Ah, sonny! Power just fell into them all by itself! Dragon's 2^[nd] head. Burgomaster! Come here! Give me some water! Burgomaster! Burgomaster. Everything is going smashingly, Heinrich. The deceased have brought them up so that they will carry anyone who cares to take the reins. Heinrich. But on this square, just now... Burgomaster. This is nothing. Every dog jumps around like crazy when let off his chain, but then he runs back into the doghouse all the same. Dragon's 3^[rd] head. Boy! Come here! I am dying! Heinrich. Aren't you afraid of Lancelot, though? Burgomaster. Not really. You don't think it was easy to kill the dragon, do you? Mr. Lancelot is most likely lying right now on the flying carpet completely exhausted, blowing in the wind away from the town. Heinrich. And if he were to come down... Burgomaster. We would handle him easily. He is exhausted, trust me. If anything, our dearly departed was good at fighting. Let's go. We have to issue the first orders. The most important thing is to behave as if nothing happened. Dragon's 1^[st] head. Boy! Burgomaster! Burgomaster. No time, no time, let's go! Exit Heinrich and Burgomaster. Dragon's 1^[st] head. Why, why did I strike him with the rear left paw? It had to be rear right. Dragon's 2^[nd] head. Hey, anybody! You, Miller! You would kiss my tail every time we met. Hey, Friedrichsen! You presented me with a three-stemmed pipe, engraved "Yours forever". Anna-Maria-Frederica Weber, where are you now? You told me you were in love with me, and you were carrying pieces of my talon in a velvet locket around your neck. We learned to understand each other from ancient times. Where have all of you gone? Give me some water. The well is right here, isn't it? One sip! Half a sip! Just to wet my lips! Dragon's 1^[st] head. Let me start this all over! I'm going to squash the lot! Dragon's 2^[nd] head. Just one drop, anybody. Dragon's 3^[rd] head. I should have cut out at least one faithful soul. But the material wasn't exactly lending itself for it. Dragon's 2^[nd] head. Quiet! I can feel someone alive is near. Come here! Bring me some water. Voice of Lancelot. I can't. Lancelot appears on the square. He is standing upon the flying carpet, leaning onto a twisted sword. He is holding the invisibility hat in his hands. The musical instrument is at his feet. Dragon's 1^[st] head. You won by accident! If only I had struck with my rear right... Dragon's 2^[nd] head. Farewell, then. Dragon's 3^[rd] head. I am content in that I am leaving to you hollow souls, worn out souls, dead souls... Farewell, then. Dragon's 2^[nd] hand. There is only one man standing beside me, the one who killed me. So this is how the life ends! All three heads. The life ends. Farewell! Lancelot. They are dead now, but I don't feel too good myself. My hands feel like someone else's. The vision is blurry. And I keep hearing someone calling me by name: "Lancelot, Lancelot". A familiar voice. A depressing voice. I don't want to answer it. But it looks like I'll have to this time. What do you think - am I dying? Musical instrument responds. To listen to you, it all sounds so noble and dignified. But I feel very ill. I am mortally wounded. But wait, wait just a minute... The dragon is dead, so I can breathe easier. Elsa! I have defeated him! But it's true that I will never see you again, Elsa. You won't smile at me, or kiss me, or ask me: "Lancelot, what's wrong? Why are you so sad? Why does your head hurt so much? Why do your shoulders ache? Who is it calling you constantly - Lancelot, Lancelot?" This is death calling me, Elsa. I am dying. This is sad, isn't it? This is not fair. They all hid away. As if the victory is some kind of misfortune. Listen, death, hold on a moment! You know me, don't you? I looked into your eyes many times and I never ran away. I am not running this time, either. I can hear you. Just let me think a little. So they all hid away. All right. But in their houses, they are slowly, very slowly recovering now. Their souls are straightening out. Why, they are whispering, why were we providing and tending to that monster? It is because of us that a man is dying right now in the square all alone. We are going to be brighter from now on, we are. See what fight has broken out in the sky because of us. See how difficult it is to breathe for poor Lancelot. No, that's enough, quite enough! The kindest, the strongest, the most impatient people were perishing - because of our weakness. Even rocks would smarten up. And we're people after all, not rocks. This is what they are whispering now in every house, in every room. Do you hear? Musical instrument responds. Yes, yes, exactly. And this means I am not dying in vain. Farewell, Elsa. I knew I would love you for the rest of my life... I just did not want to believe that life was going to be over so soon. Farewell, the town; farewell, morning, afternoon. It is night already. Hey, you! The death is calling for me, hurrying me... I can't collect my thoughts... Listen, you! Don't be afraid. It is possible not to hurt widows and orphans. It is also possible to feel for others. Don't be afraid! Just feel for each other. Feel for others - and you will be happy! And this is the honest truth, pure truth, the purest truth in the world. That's all. I have to go. Farewell. Musical instrument responds. Curtain. Act 3. An opulently furnished room in Burgomaster's palace. In the back, tables on both sides of the door are set for dinner. In the center in front of them there is a small table on which a heavy book with golden bindings lies. The orchestra is playing as the curtain is raised. A group of townspeople is shouting while looking at the door. Townspeople. (softly) And one, two, three. (loudly) Glory to the conqueror of dragon! (softly) And one, two, three. (loudly) Glory to our ruler! (softly) And one, two, three. (loudly) It is mind-boggling how happy we are! (softly) And one, two, three. (loudly) We hear his steps approaching! Enter Heinrich. (loudly, in unison) Hip, hip, hooray! 1^[st] Townsman. O glorious liberator! Exactly one year to date the abominable, antipathetic, inconsiderate, disgusting son of a bitch the dragon was destroyed by you. Townspeople. Hip, hip, hooray! 1^[st] Townsman. We have been living extremely well since. We... Heinrich. Wait, wait, just a moment, my man. Why don't you emphasize "extremely". 1^[st] Townsman. Aye, sir. We have been living extre-e-e-mely well. Heinrich. No, my man, no. That's not right. Please do not sit on the "e". You get some kind of ambiguous whine this way: "e-e-mly". Try to hit on the "r". 1^[st] Townsman. We have been living extrrremely well ever since. Heinrich. You got it! I wholeheartedly approve of this version. You all know the kind of person the conqueror of the dragon is. He's a simple man, bordering on naivete. He likes sincerity, intimacy. Continue. 1^[st] Townsman. We just don't know where to put ourselves from happiness. Heinrich. Excellent! Hold on. We have to stick something here... something, you know... humane. Virtuous. The conqueror of the dragon likes that. (flicking his fingers) Wait, wait a moment! It's coming to me! There! Found it! Even little birdies are twittering with delight! Evil is gone - good is here! Chirp, chirp, hooray! Let's go over that one more time. 1^[st] Townsman. Even little birdies are twittering with delight. Evil is gone - good is here, chirp, chirp, hooray! Heinrich. That was some dismal piece of chirping, my man. You just see that you don't get chirped yourself for that. 1^[st] Townsman. (joyfully) Chirp, chirp, hooray! Heinrich. That's better. All right, then. Have we been over other parts yet? Townspeople. Aye, Mr. Burgomaster, sir. Heinrich. OK. Soon the conqueror of the dragon, the president of the free city is going to come out to you. Remember - you have to talk in unison but at the same time sincerely, compassionately, democratically. The dragon was stuck on formalities, whereas we... Sentry. (from the center door) Atten-tion! Eyes to the door! His excellency sir president of the free city is walking down the corridor! (in a low wooden voice) You sweet thing! You guardian angel, you! Killed the dragon! Who woulda thunk it! Enter Burgomaster. Heinrich. Your excellency sir president of the free city! No accidents reported during my watch, sir! Present: ten townsmen. Wildly happy: all of them. Taken to the precinct... Burgomaster. As you were, as you were. Good afternoon, Mr. Burgomaster. (shakes Heinrich's hand) O! What's this, Burgomaster? Heinrich. Your compatriots remember that exactly one year ago today you have defeated the dragon. Just arrived here to congratulate you. Burgomaster. You don't say! What a pleasant surprise! All right, let it rip. Townspeople. (softly) And one, two, three. (loudly) Glory to the conqueror of dragon! (softly) And one, two, three. (loudly) Glory to our ruler... Enter Warden. Burgomaster. Hold on, hold on! Hello, warden. Warden. Good afternoon, your excellency. Burgomaster. Thank you, my dear men. I already know everything you wanted to tell me. Darn! A wayward tear. (wipes the tear off) But you see, we've got a wedding coming up in the house, and I still have some unfinished business to attend to. Why don't you go now, and then come to the wedding. We'll have a ball. The nightmare is over, and we can enjoy life now. Right? Townspeople. Hip! Hip! Hooray. Burgomaster. My point exactly. The slavery is but a myth, and we have been reborn. Remember how I was under the damned dragon? I was sick. I was crazy. And now look at me - fit as a fiddle! To say nothing about you all. You are always jolly and happy, my little birdies. Just flutter along. On the double! Heinrich, see them off! Exit Heinrich and townspeople. Burgomaster. So, how's it going in your prison? Warden. Everybody's still sitting. Burgomaster. How about my former assistant? Warden. Suffering. Burgomaster. Ha-ha! You're just saying that. Warden. Suffering, cross my heart. Burgomaster. No, really, how badly? Warden. Throwing himself at the walls. Burgomaster. Ha-ha! Take that! Such nasty personality. You'd start telling a joke, everybody is laughing, and he's showing the beard instead. Meaning: that's a joke so old it's already grown a beard. Why don't you sit in jail for a while. Did you show him my state portrait? Warden. Sure did! Burgomaster. Which one? The one where I am smiling pleasantly? Warden. That same. Burgomaster. And he was... Warden. Crying. Burgomaster. Stop it! Warden. Crying, cross my heart. Burgomaster. Ha-ha! Soothing. What about those weavers that supplied the flying carpet to that... guy? Warden. I've had it with those two. They sit in different blocks, but they still hold together as one. Whatever one says, the other does too. Burgomaster. But they got skinnier, I hope? Warden. On my watch you just try not to! Burgomaster. What about the blacksmith? Warden. He sawed through the bars again. We had to fit his cell with ones made from diamonds. Burgomaster. Excellent, excellent, never mind the expenses. How is he? Warden. Stumped. Burgomaster. Ha-ha! Gratifying. Warden. Hatter fashioned hats for mice so that cats don't bother them anymore. Burgomaster. How come? Warden. They just sit and gawk at them. And that musician keeps on singing, spreading gloom around. I have to put on ear plugs every time I need to go there. Burgomaster. All right. What's the mood around town? Warden. Quiet. But they are still writing. Burgomaster. Writing what? Warden. Letter "L" on the walls. That means Lancelot. Burgomaster. Nonsense! "L" means - "Love the president". Warden. I see. So, we don't detain those who are writing? Burgomaster. Are you kidding? Of course we do. What else do they write? Warden. Embarrassing to say. The president is scum. His son is a crook. The president... (giggles) Can't really repeat the expression, sir. But mostly they write the "L". Burgomaster. Morons. What do they want with that Lancelot anyway? Any news about him, while we're on the subject? Warden. Not a word. Burgomaster. Did you interrogate the birds? Warden. Uh-huh. Burgomaster. All of them? Warden. Uh-huh. See this mark? That's eagle's present. Got me right in the ear. Burgomaster. And what are they saying? Warden. They say they didn't see Lancelot. Only the parrot agrees. You're like: "Have you seen him?" And he's like: "Seen him". You're like: "You saw Lancelot?" And he's like: "Saw Lancelot." Well, you know what kind of bird the parrot is. Burgomaster. What about the snakes? Warden. Those would have slithered in themselves if they smelled anything. They're on our side. And relatives to the deceased to boot. But they don't. Burgomaster. The fish? Warden. Not a peep. Burgomaster. Maybe they know something? Warden. Nope. We had our scientists look into their eyes, and they confirm - those guys know nothing. In short Lancelot, also known as St. George, also known as Perseus, named differently in each country, has yet to be located. Burgomaster. Screw him, then. Enter Heinrich. Heinrich. The father of the happy bride, Mr. Archivist Charlemagne, have arrived. Burgomaster. A-ha! Just the man I wanted. Show him in. Enter Charlemagne. You may go, warden. Carry on. I am satisfied with your performance. Warden. We're doing our best. Burgomaster. Keep doing it. Charlemagne, you two know each other? Charlemagne. Very little, sir president. Burgomaster. Well, well. That's OK. You still might get a chance to get acquainted more closely. Warden. Take him? Burgomaster. Come on, why is it always "take him" with you? Go on, go on for now. Good bye. Exit Warden. So, Charlemagne, you already figured out, of course, why you have been brought here? All kinds of state business, personal worries, this an that had prevented me from dropping by in person. But you and Elsa must have noticed from the posters all over the town that today is the day of her wedding. Charlemagne. Yes, sir president, we know. Burgomaster. We high-ranking officials don't have time for popping the question with all those flowers, sighs and stuff. We do not offer; we just order - nothing wrong with that. Ha-ha! Very convenient. Elsa's happy, right? Charlemagne. No. Burgomaster. Nonsense. Of course she is. And you? Charlemagne. I am desperate, sir president. Burgomaster. Such ingratitude! I have defeated the dragon... Charlemagne. I beg your pardon, sir president, but I cannot make myself believe in that. Burgomaster. Yes you can! Charlemagne. Honestly, I can't. Burgomaster. Of course you can. Even I believe it, and so can you. Charlemagne. No. Heinrich. He just doesn't want to. Burgomaster. But why? Heinrich. Trying to jack up the price. Burgomaster. All right. I am offering you the position of my first deputy. Charlemagne. I don't want to. Burgomaster. Nonsense. You do. Charlemagne. No. Burgomaster. Quit stalling, we don't have time. Public housing, the apartment is next to the park, near the market, hundred and fifty three bedrooms, all windows look to the south. A fantastic salary. In addition, every time you go to work, you get relocation expenses, and when you go home, you receive a paid leave. Go to a party - we pay you daily allowance; stay home - there's rent compensation. You will be almost as wealthy as I am. Done. You agreed. Charlemagne. No. Burgomaster. What is it you want? Charlemagne. We just want one thing - for you to leave us alone. Burgomaster. Leave you alone! That's rich! What if I've already made up my mind! Besides, this is just very solid statesmanship. The conqueror of the dragon marries the girl he has saved. It is so convincing. Why don't you understand? Charlemagne. Why are you tormenting us? I have learned to think independently, sir president. This is torture in itself. And now there's this wedding. You can just lose you mind. Burgomaster. No, you can't, you can't. All those psychiatric illnesses are really overblown. Poppycock. Charlemagne. Oh dear! How powerless we all are! That our town is just as quiet and obedient as before - it is so frightening! Burgomaster. What the hell are you talking about? Why is it frightening? What are you trying to pull here with your daughter - a mutiny? Charlemagne. No. We had a walk in the woods today, and we discussed everything so nicely, so precisely. Tomorrow, as soon as she's gone, I'll die too. Burgomaster. What do you mean - gone? This is absurd! Charlemagne. Do you really think she'll live through this wedding? Burgomaster. Of course. It is going to be a nice, merry party. Any other man would be glad to marry his daughter off into such wealth. Heinrich. He is glad. Charlemagne. No. I am an elderly, polite man, it is hard for me to just say this to your face. But I will anyway. This wedding is a tragedy for us. Heinrich. What a tiresome mode of bargaining. Burgomaster. Listen, you! You are not getting more. You are obviously after a share in our enterprise, aren't you? Well, you can't have it! Everything that dragon was brazenly appropriating is now in the best possible hands. That is, mine. And partially Heinrich's. This is absolutely legit. You won't get a penny of it! Charlemagne. Can I be excused now, sir president? Burgomaster. You certainly can. Remember this, though. One: at the wedding you are going to be merry, jovial and witty, if you please. Two: no deaths! Try to make an effort here and live for as long as I require. This goes for your daughter as well. Three: you are to address me as "your excellency" from now on. See this list? Fifty names. All your best friends. If you so much as think about rebelling, all fifty will disappear without a trace. Get out. No, wait. There is going to be a carriage sent after you. You will bring your daughter here, and not a squeak out of you! Understood? Now go! Exit Charlemagne. That went smoothly. Heinrich. What did the warden report? Burgomaster. Not a cloud in the sky. Heinrich. And the letter "L"? Burgomaster. They wrote those, and other letters on the walls under the dragon, too. Let them write. This seems to calm them down, and it does not exactly break our bones. Can you look if this chair is occupied? Heinrich. Daddy, please! (Feels the chair over with his hands.) There's no one there. Have a seat. Burgomaster. Don't smile. He can sneak anywhere in that invisibility hat of his. Heinrich. You don't know this man, daddy. He is filled with prejudices up to his ears. Just out of chivalrous gallantry, he is going to take off his hat before entering - and the guards will be all over him. Burgomaster. His disposition might have soured in the past year. (Sits down.) Well, sonny boy, my little muffin, let's talk about our little business. You owe me money, my precious! Heinrich. How do you figure, daddy? Burgomaster. You have bought off three of my servants so that they would spy after me, read my papers and so on. Correct? Heinrich. What are you saying, daddy! Burgomaster. Hold on, sonny, don't interrupt. I have raised them five hundred dollars so that they would only pass on to you things that I approve myself. Therefore, you owe me five hundred, you rascal. Heinrich. Not really, dad. I've learned about that and added another six hundred. Burgomaster. And after I figured that out, I added a thousand! And please don't give them any more, dear. With those wages they grew fat, sloppy and lecherous. Next thing you know, they're going to bite the hands that feed them. Right. Also, we need to straighten out my personal secretary. I had to ship him off to the psychiatric ward. Heinrich. You don't say! Why? Burgomaster. We would bid and outbid each other on him so many times each day that he can no longer remember who his boss is. Now he snitches on me to myself. Plotting against himself to grab his own position. He's a decent, hard-working guy; it pains me to watch him suffer like that. Let's both of us visit him tomorrow at the clinic and establish once and for all who he is working for. My little sonny boy! My sweetie! We want to get into our daddy's chair, aren't we? Heinrich. Oh daddy, stop it! Burgomaster. That's OK, pumpkin, that's OK. We're family. Listen, you know what I'm thinking? Why don't we just spy on each other openly, like relatives should, like father and son, without all those outsiders. Think of the money we'd save! Heinrich. What's a little money, daddy. Burgomaster. Right you are. Can't take it with you when you die... Sound of hooves and bells clinking. (dashes to the window) She's here! Our beauty is here! Just look at that carriage! Exquisite! Decorated with dragon skin! And Elsa herself! Miracle of miracles. Velvet all over. There's something to be said about power... (whispers) Interrogate her! Heinrich. Who? Burgomaster. Elsa! She's been so quiet lately. Could she know where that... (looks around) Lancelot might be? Find it out carefully. And I am going to listen from behind this curtain. Enter Elsa and Charlemagne. Heinrich. Greetings to you, Elsa. You are getting more beautiful with each passing day, which is very nice of you. The president is changing. He asked me to express his apologies. Have a seat in this chair, Elsa. (Makes her sit in the chair standing with its back to the curtain behind which Burgomaster is hiding). And you, Charlemagne, please wait in the hall. Exit Charlemagne, bowing. Elsa, I am glad president is putting on his ceremonial jewelry. I have long wanted to talk to you one on one, like friends, with an open heart. Why are you so silent? You don't want to answer? I am attached to you after a fashion, you know. Talk to me. Elsa. About what? Heinrich. Whatever you want. Elsa. I don't know... I don't want anything. Heinrich. How can this be? Today is your wedding, after all... Ah, Elsa... Once more I have to concede you. But the conqueror of the dragon is the conqueror. I am a cynic, a mockingbird, but even I bow before him. Are you listening? Elsa. No. Heinrich. Elsa... Did I become a total stranger to you? We were such good friends when we were kids. Remember when you had measles and I would hang out outside your window until I went down with it too? And then you would visit me and cry because you felt sorry for me being so quiet and meek? Remember? Elsa. Yes. Heinrich. Are those children dead now? Isn't there anything left of them in you and me? Let's talk like the old times, like brother and sister. Elsa. All right, let's talk. Burgomaster peeks from behind the curtain and applauds Heinrich silently. You want to know why I am silent all the time? Burgomaster nods his head. I am afraid. Heinrich. Of whom? Elsa. Of people. Heinrich. Is that all? Just name the specific people you are afraid of. We will throw them in jail, and you will feel all better. Burgomaster takes out his notebook. Give me the names. Elsa. No, Heinrich, it won't help. Heinrich. It will, I assure you. Tried it myself. Quick improvements in sleep, appetite and attitude. Elsa. You see... I don't know how to explain this to you... I am afraid of all people. Heinrich. Ah, so that's what it is... I understand. I understand only too well. Everybody, myself included, seem cruel to you. Right? You may not believe this, but... I am afraid of them too. I am afraid of my father. Burgomaster throws up his hands, perplexed. I am afraid of those loyal servants of ours. And I make myself look cruel so that they would be afraid of me. We're all tangled in the web we weave. Talk to me, tell me more, I am listening. Burgomaster is nodding understandingly. Elsa. What more can I tell you... At first I was angry, then despondent, and they I just stopped caring about everything. I am so passive now, like I've never been before. They can do whatever they want with me. Burgomaster giggles loudly; then, alarmed, hides deeper behind the curtain. Elsa looks around. What was that? Heinrich. Never mind that. They are preparing for the feast there. My poor, my dear little sister. Such a pity that Lancelot is gone, disappeared. Only now I am beginning to understand him. That was an extraordinary man. We all are beholden to him. Isn't there any hope he will be back, any at all? Burgomaster peeks from behind the curtain again. He is all ears. Elsa. He... He will not be back. Heinrich. Don't say that. For some reason I feel we are still going to see him yet. Elsa. No. Heinrich. Believe me! Elsa. It is very nice of you to say that, but... Are you sure no one can hear us? Burgomaster dives down behind the chair's back. Heinrich. Of course they can't, my dear. Today is public holiday. All spies have the day off. Elsa. You see... I know what happened to Lancelot. Heinrich. You don't have to say it if this is painful for you. Burgomaster shakes his fist at him. Elsa. I have been silent for so long that now I simply have to tell you everything. I thought that nobody but me would understand how sad it is, such is the town I have been born in. But you have been listening to me so carefully today... So... Exactly one year ago, when the battle was over, Cat ran to the town square. And this is what he saw: Lancelot, white as a ghost, was standing beside the dragon's heads. He was leaning on his sword and smiling so as not to worry the Cat. Cat ran off to me, to call for my help. But guards were watching me so vigilantly, not even a mouse could sneak in. They chased the Cat away. Heinrich. Rude, inconsiderate soldiers! Elsa. Then he called his friend the Mule. After settling the wounded on Mule's back, he led them through back streets and out of our town. Heinrich. But why? Elsa. Ah, Lancelot was so weak that people could have killed him. And so they started off along the trail to the mountains. The Cat was sitting near the wounded and listening if his heart was still beating. Heinrich. It was, I hope? Elsa. Yes, but weaker and weaker. And then the Cat cried out: "Halt!". And the Mule stopped. It was already late night. They have ventured far up the mountain, high up, and everything was so quiet around them, so cold. "Turn back towards home!", the Cat said. "People cannot hurt him anymore now. We have to let Elsa say goodbye to him, and then we will bury him." Heinrich. He died, poor thing! Elsa. He died, Heinrich. But the stubborn Mule said: I do not turn back. And he kept going. And Cat returned - he is so fond of our house, you know. He returned, told me all that, and now I am not waiting for anything. It is all over. Burgomaster. Hooray! It is all over! (dances, dashes around the room) All over! I am the unlimited ruler over