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> Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European
> Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving
> efficiency in communications between Government departments.
>
> European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
> unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through and
> thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to
> iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be
> administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
>
> In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using "s'
> instead of the soft "c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would
> resieve this news with joy. Then the hard "c" could be replaced by "k'
> sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up
> konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be
> made with one less letter.
>
> There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be
> announsed that the troublesome "ph" would henseforth be written "f'.
> This would make words like "fotograf" twenty per sent shorter in print.
>
> In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
> to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.
> Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have
> always been a deterent to akurate speling.
>
> We would al agre that the horible mes of silent "e's in the languag is
> disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as
> though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the
> skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing "th'
> by "z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of "w" kould be taken on by "v', vitsh
> is, after al, half a "w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary "o kould be
> dropd from words kontaining "ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid
> to ozer kombinations of leters.
>
> Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl
> riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and
> evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermnt
> vud finali hav kum tru.
>
GONE Inc. is proud to announce new CD-ROM collection of software!
Full 650 MBytes of useful utilities and reference material!
Available in Low Mississippi, StoneFord and other formats.
Operating systems.
FreeLSD - bonus for our buyers. Just one precaution - do not eat too
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OZ/2 - a real dream for hacker. Includes JSL debugger, complete
"Lapse of reason", "Tiranosaurus Rex" and other videos.
XO DDT - Xtra Open for Dummies DeskTop. Battle proven, fully supported,
32-bit version of popular Xebix OS. (No sources, sorry.
Only binary version for HAL included).
Kleenux - makes your EinTel computer run Doom faster. Soon available
for Energizer PC.
Mercy DOS - despite many don't regard this to be OS, we include it to
fill up space. Features DoubleDecker disk expansion, resident
HDD format utility and popular "Widows" movie. Fits almost
all 5" form-factor drives.
A collection of useful you-nicks utilities.
autologin - makes random user logins in specified period of tty inactivity.
screen burner - burns your favorite image on the screen, so you can see it even
during powerdown.
ungetty - security tool, sending messages "NO CARRIER", "NO DIALTONE" and
"AT&T\nERROR" to your favorite user(s).
blind - new version of resolver, asks user about corresponding address
to reduce network traffic.
rooted - AI program, trying to grow roots in all possible directions to
establish IRC connections.
emin - extremly powerful text editor, exploiting only two primitives -
Drag and Drop.
traceroot - discovers your origin from any historical person.
Compilers.
Maple-78 - brand new mil-spec realtime language. Just released.
Collected almost all garbage.
BaySick-94 - new pessimizing version of fool-proven environment.
Why spend time debugging code? - All you wrote is
correct and running!
See-Plus - never heard of colliding types, polymorphs, trifeets?
Want to play with folding pointers and portable chars?
Just try this brilliant package from Ostrich Inc.
Also included: pong (says "elvis is alive" without actually pinging the host),
ddd (version of ppp for reversed cables), Frame Delay router, X. 25/V. 25
gate, software version of 110V 60Hz/220V 50Hz transformer (great for your
laptop), atomic alarm daemon, "How to send signals to ETI with your microwave"
book, ISO-OSI translation toolkit and much more.
Contact sales@gone. com to get more info.
--
(c) 1994 mac@glas. apc. org
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Last-modified: Sat, 16 Nov 1996 06:16:09 GMT